With the WWE having its own problems with ratings and buyrates, you'd think that this would be a great opportunity for TNA to catch up, but they aren't. They're making huge, fundamental mistakes that keep them from catching up. Mostly all of it can be blamed on the multi-headed booking and writing staff they have trying to recreate 1998 with 1998's stars, rehashing tired ideas, pushing broken down old men and creating storylines and feuds that make no sense and matches that are spotty in their quality at best. Their announcers can't get a plate of delicious flapjacks over to hungry lumberjacks at the end of a hard day of outdoor strength conditioning. (bee-tee-dubya, that video is fuckin' awesome if you skip past the redneck Brisco promo... Grizzly Redwood, Daizee Haze and Delirious are all full of awesome and win, and the Chris Hero promo was really, really good too) It's all a dreadful mess.
At this point, the front office of TNA is in dire need of an enema to clear it out. The top of the card needs an enema as well. The whole company needs to be refocused and reimagined. Instead of having 1998's stars trying to recreate another Attitude Era WWF, they should be carving out their own identity. There was a great thread at A1 started by poster Highland Arab about what you'd do if you bought TNA from Dixie Carter. I gave my short-form answer, but here is where I'll explain all my choices. It's a little tl;dr, but if you're a fan of these kinds of things, then this is right up your alley:
After the jump... TOM HOLZERMAN RESHAPES TNA~!
Head Booker: Lance Storm, and no one else
Again, since most of what ails TNA is in the front office, it's time to give it a fresh start with someone fresh and intelligent, yet grounded in tried and true old-school booking ideas. Enter Lance Storm. While I always found him boring both as a character and a wrestler, there's no doubt that I'm in the minority. Most hardcore wrestling fans thought Storm was very good at what he did. That doesn't mean I won't give him his due in the ring; he was an effective heel despite his lack of charisma. Where he shines to me is in his post-wrestling career, where he's been one of the best wrestling columnists on the Internet. Here's one of his very best, a screed on the Rules of Wrestling.
Storm's biggest criticism would be that he has no experience booking a promotion. While fully aware of that fact, I see him, in football terms, as a "hot coordinator", a fresh face that may have a different take on things or a better handling of certain aspects of the game than, say, your retread bookers. Jim Cornette and Paul Heyman, I'm looking in your directions.
I know, I know, hold on, both Corny and Paul E. are both respected wrestling minds, and I do think they would have their positives as full-on booker of TNA. HOWEVER, both of them have their big minuses either. I feel like Cornette has become a bit delusional over the years and obsessed with running down the WWE. It seems that in every other non-TNA appearance he makes, he's criticizing how the WWE handles Christian or saying something disparaging the market leader. Why would I want someone obsessed with trashing the competition as my booker? The best way to trash the competition is by producing a better product. Plus, he's the same guy that thinks Matt Morgan is "the pinnacle of TNA". Pass.
Heyman would be a little better of a choice given that he's been successful in the last two decades with two different companies (ECW in the '90s and WWE: Smackdown in the Aughts). He knows how to balance cutting edge with classic, but he also knows how to, and doesn't feel ashamed to, piss people off. Yeah, you need that if you're going to be an effective leader, but Heyman is a bit too polarizing for my tastes.
So, this is where Storm comes in. He's worked for Heyman before, so he knows a thing or two about what made ECW tick. He's young for a front office guy, so he can stick around for awhile. Most importantly, he knows that it's crucial for a company to build its own identity. He was in ECW when it was high and WCW when it was low. No doubt he watches enough wrestling to see which ideas are good and which ones are bad. He's definitely the guy I want.
In-Character Commissioner: Booker T
While I don't think Booker can still keep up with the roster I have in mind, I still think he's an awesome character and can have a place in my TNA any day. So, with Barack Obama as the first African-American President, why not have the most over African-American wrestler this side of The Rock take the position of in-character authority figure? Booker has the charisma to make the role work, and he's been a beloved member of the WWE, WCW and TNA rosters, so he has the respect in his favor.
While it may seem counterintuitive for someone of that stature to be in a role that preferably shouldn't be a huge part of the show, it will work for when Booker is needed. And even if he isn't making Earth-shattering decisions week in and week or not getting into feuds with wrestlers (which he won't in my redesign), he can still stump for you to watch the show in advertisements and promos.
Commentators: Mike Goldberg and Kevin Nash
Mike Tenay and Don West should just rename themselves Drizzling and Shits, because that's what they are. Tenay has this rep for being an amazing announcer because he "knows so much about the business". I'm sorry, but that only makes half a good announcer. You have to be able to deliver those facts in a way that gets the viewing audience to care about the wrestler. To me, he just spouts off empty facts because they're there, not because it helps anyone in the ring. Add that to the fact that he doesn't have a play-by-play announcer's tenor or pace and he's the worst man possible for the job... well, except for this guy:
West is slightly more tolerable, but only because of the unintentional comedy level. The guy is a blustery blowhard who does nothing to get the wrestlers over. He just sits there and tries to make his quips that fail miserably. A quipping color commentator would work if the PBP guy was solid, but again, it's not in this situation. TNA's announcing situation is only slightly better than its front office one.
Enter Mike Goldberg. The WWE made a play to get him away from UFC when they stupidly decided that Joey Styles wasn't the right PBP guy for ECW anymore (despite the fact that he's better than all the PBP guys they have right now except Jim Ross). Goldberg turned them down, but he listened, which means he could possibly be had. Of course, the big criticism is that Goldberg doesn't know much about wrestling. He's a UFC guy through and through, and I'm not sure he was even a pro-wrestling fan to begin with. However, he brings a few things to the table. One is name recognition. Fans will hear that Goldberg has jumped ship and think that maybe TNA is becoming a bit more "real". Two is exerience calling one-on-one fights. While many people will be quick to point out the differences between pro wrestling and mixed martial arts, there are plenty of similarities and even crossover moves (especially with Kurt Angle, Bobby Lashley and Brock Lesnar having competed or wanting to compete in both). Three is professionalism. Goldberg from all accounts is 100% professional and dedicated to his craft. Therefore, you wouldn't have a situation like when Mike Adamle called Jeff Hardy "Jeff Harvey" at WrestleMania. It's a gamble, but not as much a gamble as going with an unknown at this point.
To replace West, I'd put Kevin Nash in the booth. Again, Nash isn't a guy I want on my roster to wrestle, especially at the speed I'd demand out of the roster, but you can't deny his personality and connection to the business. I always thought he had great charisma, and many people have pointed out to me how well he'd do as an announcer. I have my reservations about this pick moreso than Goldberg if only for the tendency Nash has to put himself over and bury everyone else in promos, and that's the opposite of what a color commentator should be doing. However, I think if he were put in that chair and positioned away from the action, he could be persuaded to do right by the roster. Besides, it's much easier to find a color commentator than it is to find a PBP guy. Why not start out with a guy with superior mic skills?
That's it for now. Next installment will be the main event and upper midcard wrestlers.
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