Well, because the wrestling ring has given us so many lovely ladies over the years, why not rank them? Y'know, because I like making lists and shit. Here are, in my sole opinion, the top 25 hottest wrestling women of all-time. Even though the list will be self-contained in this post, I expect it to generate more conversation than all the WotD posts combined, because what's more subjective than attractiveness? NOTHING! Although rest-assured, there will be no Chyna in this list. This is a Chyna-free list! Anyway, onto the goods:
After the jump...
25. Miss Elizabeth
This is more an honorary listing, much like Ric Flair's was in the WotD. Liz never really exuded sexy, instead she was the nice, normal girl who got caught up with the asshole who didn't treat her right (Savage), and the dynamic was a home run. Sucks the way she died though.
24. Beulah McGillicutty
Hot damn, was she a piece. She was a huge part of Tommy Dreamer's success in ECW as well as the company's branding as "extreme", changing wrestling forever.
23. Mickie James
She's a slight butterface, but by God, those are breasts a man can set his watch to. They stand at attention. Plus, it doesn't hurt that she is the best women's wrestler on the WWE roster right now, and she seems like a very fun personality.
22. Lilian Garcia
Lilian was never really promoted with the Divas in the WWE, but she had a definite impact on the company for several years as the ring announcer. With some of the chicks that they paraded in that ring as "sexy" that were just plain dreadful, it only stood to serve how badly they ignored the real hotness standing in there every Monday night.
21. Maria Kanellis
Maria has that sort of innocence about her that makes you feel bad for gawking at her, but then again, with a body like that, you forget your guilt pretty quickly. Of course, she also did Playboy, so how innocent can she be? Eh?
20. Daffney
She defines "goth-hot". It's the WCW-given crazy sexy we all grew to get aroused to as an alternative while the WWF was busy trotting out she-males or petite homewreckers who pretended to be like aforementioned shemales in 1999. Is she an acquired taste? Maybe. Is a lot of her sexy sort of thrust on her by our fantasies of how goth chicks are in the budoir? Maybe. Is it my list and can I put anyone on it that I feel like? Fuck yeah!
19. Missy Hyatt (pre-plastic surgery)
Missy Hyatt didn't always use to be a hideous troll with boobs. In the 80s, she was pretty cute and had a rockin' body. Too bad the years haven't been kind to her at all.
18. Ivory
For awhile, the WWF didn't have this obsession with handing pushes out to blond bimbos exclusively. Take Ivory. She was Mickie James (with a prettier face) before Mickie James was Mickie James. Again, look at the rack, it's breathtaking.
17. Katie Lea
As if there weren't enough reasons to tune into ECW. Even with the facepaint, Katie Lea just looks so God-damned saucy, like she would toss you around and break you before she gave it up. Plus, when she came onto that new female interviewer a few weeks ago, I think my voice changed again. Now I sound like Barry White.
16. Kelly Kelly
She's one of the hottest of the new crop of Divas, although I have to say she's one of the few women whose hotness goes away when she smiles. Give me the pouty face or the evil face any day, Kelly2
15. Molly Holly
She was a chick who had to downplay her inherent sexiness just so she could goober around with Bob and Crash Holly. Then, they made her cut her hair, and she looked good as a short-haired brunette too. Molly might be the most underrated hot wrestling chick ever.
14. Kimona Wanalaya
Y'know, for as hot as guys get for Asian chicks, there really aren't a whole lot to go around in wrestling. Take for example Joshi... all the women who wrestle in Japan are hideous to passable. Gail Kim? She's got a pretty busted face. Ayako Hamada is okay, but too plain for a list like this. That leaves former ECW sexpot Kimona Wanalaya as the lone Asian on this list, but it's definitely not an Affirmative Action deal. The night she danced atop the ECW Arena was among the seminal sexy moments in wrestling history. She can love me very long time, if you know what I mean.
13. Terri Runnells
Remember Shotgun Saturday Night? No? Well, it was an abortion of an idea for a show, but it's most famous for giving us a sideboob shot of Terri Runnels as she distracted one of Goldust's opponents in the ring by taking off her top. Yeah, that alone salvages the abysmal show's cred in my book. Plus, I'm a cigar smoker, so that gives her extra points in my book.
12. Maryse Ouellet
Maryse is F'n supermodel hot, like for real for real. Plus, she has the added bonus that she's always looking like she's too hot for you. Snootiness may not work for everyone, but for Maryse? Hell yeah it does.
11. Beth Phoenix
Beth is everything Chyna wanted to be and then some. Yeah, she has muscles, but unlike some muscly chicks, they don't dominate her feminism. Like her nickname suggests, she's a Glamazon - sexy but tough. Hell, if she dyed her hair black, she'd be a perfect Wonder Woman. The best part about her is that she has personality too. A lot of what made Glamorella great was her facial expressions as Santino was doing crazy shit.
10. SoCal Val
Red hair? Check. Pouty lips? Check. Huge but shapely rack? Check. Yeah, there's no way So Cal Val doesn't make the top 10. Easily the hottest wrestling redhead ever, and really, she gives other celeb redheads a run for their money.
9. Dawn Marie
To be the hottest chick from the original ECW on this list is high praise seeing as EE-SEE-DUB had a lot of hot chicks to pass through its turnstyles. Dawn Marie is the high water mark though, as she not only was hot, but she helped get Lance Storm over too... a major feat. Plus, she's into charitable stuff to help broken-down old wrestlers who can't pay medical bills. Charity is sexy, folks!
8. Woman/Nancy Benoit
Judging from the flier I put out on Twitter (btw, ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME YET?), this will probably be the most controversial choice yet. While the charges levied against Woman are that she was a butterface, well, I just don't see it. She didn't have to look like a doll-faced supermodel because that wasn't her character. Her characters was evil, and like Sienna Miller as Baroness in GI Joe, she made evil look dead fucking sexy.
7. Torrie Wilson
Kidman, you lucky bastard. There are blond wrestling bimbos, and then there's Torrie Wilson. She theoretically fits the mold, but unlike your Major Gunns or Sables, Torrie is actually gorgeous to go along with her well-endowed chest.
6. Stacy Kiebler
While most wrestling women are known for what they've got in front of their bodies, Stacy's got everything in the rear and below. Probably the best legs in wrestling history. Seriously, from when she burst on the scene as Ms. Hancock in late-day WCW, you kinda figured she was too hot for the business and that she wouldn't be long for it. Sure enough, Dancing with the Stars called and now, she's everywhere. But her ass was our ass first, world!
5. Kimberly Page
Okay, how did DDP score Kimberly? Really, I want to know. DDP looks like death warmed over and Kim is... well, she's stunning. Christ, he either had the best personality ever, incriminating pictures or game beyond what anyone outside of The Ladies Man ever had.
4. Velvet Sky
Honestly, if you had to subject yourself to TNA for one reason, it would be Velvet, who is without question the hottest woman in wrestling right now. The best thing is that she isn't some emaciated whorelet, she got meat on dem bones, so not only is she hot, she's a positive body-type role model for young girls everywhere (her character less so, but hey, no one's perfect).
3. Sensational Sherri Martel
Sherri was the original bad girl of wrestling, the original temptress who made evil look so damn good. Forget the bad facepaint, she was sexy to such a scorching degree that for a second, you didn't blame Macho for dumping Liz for him.
2. Trish Stratus
Could she have been the most perfect wrestling woman ever? Well, almost, since she's at #2 and not in the top spot. Still, Trish, whether blonde or brunette, is the epitome of athletic-sexy, a woman who's fit yet still has amazing curves in all the right places. It's always a treat when she stops back on RAW, and even with the current crop of Divas being pretty hot in their own right, she shows them how it's done.
1. Sunny/Tammy Lynn Sytch
No joke. No lie. Was there any woman in the mid '90s that the youth of America wanted to nail more than Sunny? Unless that answer was Pamela Anderson, I'd think not. For a time, Tammy was it, she was the ultimate in wrestling hotness. Perfect body, perfect face, perfect "out of your league" demeanor (putting her with the BodyDonnas was a stroke of genius). Of course, people will point out that she got fat because of whatever, but who cares? Back then, she was the epitome (and she's rebounded nicely and gotten her life back together, which is always good to hear). Tammy Lynn Sytch, I thank you for speeding along my and every other teenage male wrestling fan's puberty along and making us the fine men we are today. I salute you.
No love for Jacqueline (Moore)?
ReplyDeleteAnyone who thought Nancy was a butterface is blind.
ReplyDelete