Happy Birthday, Triple H!

Today is the birthday of the most controversial WWE wrestler ever for reasons other than pulling a gun on Steve Austin during live TV or murdering his wife and child in a steroid, drug and head-trauma induced haze! Happy birthday Paul Levesque-McMahon, also known as Terra Ryzing, also known as The Game, also known as Hunter Hearst Helmsley, also known as Mithrander most commonly known as Triple H! For his birthday, I'm going to give him the best present of all, a child's laughter a pass for all the politicking, the holding down and the general posturing over the last decade. That's the best gift ever...

...you still reading? Good, because I was just kidding on that. I don't give passes that easily unless he's reading this blog and wants to seek me out and kick my ass, but hey, it is the guy's birthday, so he does deserve a present. But what do you get the man who's going to inherit the most lucrative wrestling company in the world? How about this little ditty for when he's out on the road without Steph?

After the jump...

No? Too many bad memories you say? I'd have to agree, actually. I'm not even sure Joanie Laurer herself would want to see herself in that thing (although Waltman's probably cracked out enough that he wouldn't care either way). Oooh, wait, I've got an even better idea:



This is for forgetting he was ever involved in that awful Katie Vick angle, or that he had to dry hump a corpse... on second thought? I think that's more reserved for Kane than Trips. Trips, that fucker, deserves to remember the shame he had to go through to trample the rest of the roster. Okay, think, TH, think, what would be the best gift for Triple H on this, his birthday?



...on second thought, I'll keep the puppy for myself. However, I have finally found the perfect gift for Triple H that would be awesome for him and for us the fans. Here it is, a vat of searingly corrosive sulfuric acid to the eyes!....



Yes, his very own Farmville farm on Facebook. Now I know, Facebook and Farmville are both free, but that's not the point here. The point is, Triple H will definitely appreciate this gift as it's so user-intensive and addictive. Hell, I've had to block the app from appearing on my own Facebook Wall feed or else I'd be sifting through nothing but Farmville updates. But for Trips, man he'd spend so much time on there that he'd forget about rehabbing his injury or coming back to the WWE as an active performer or really anything. The upside? No more Triple H on TV for us. It's a win-win situation.

You can thank me later, fellow Triple H-aters.

Triple H Photo Credit: WWE.com

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!