TWIOT: NFL Predictions for 2010

WEIGHT LOSS UPDATE: 290 lbs., down from original weight of 336.4 lbs.

It's the most wonderful time of the year for we the male sports fan. The NFL season is upon us, and the best four months of the sporting calendar are beginning. Yes, it's two weeks before the season starts, but I think now is the perfect time to make predictions. Why? WHY NOT! Here we go!

NFC East
d-1. Dallas Cowboys (11-5)
w-2. New York Giants (10-6)
3. Philadelphia Eagles (9-7)
4. Washington Redskins (6-10)

It was very hard for me to make this prognostication because, really, fuck the Dallas Cowboys and everything they stand for. Be that as it may, I can't see them not winning the division. They've got a stout defense and enough offensive firepower to pull it out. Giants take one of the wild card spots, although that's the pick I'm most wary about. The G-Men didn't exactly come down the stretch guns-blazing... or actually, they did offensively. They just couldn't stop anyone. It was doubly hard for me to slot the Eagles in 3rd place, especially since I think the defense will be improved this year. I'm just very, very worried about our ability to score in the red zone. I like Kevin Kolb, and I think he'll be great between the 20s this year (enough so that I drafted him as my fantasy QB in my main league), but while I don't think we'll be exactly rebuilding this year, I don't see the playoffs, sadly. The Redskins got Donovan McNabb, but really, they have no line and too many personnel issues on defense. I think they're going to stink this year.

NFC North
d-1. Green Bay Packers (11-5)
2. Minnesota Vikings (9-7)
3. Detroit Lions (6-10)
4. Chicago Bears (6-10)

This is the toughest division to call because there's merit for all four teams. I think the surest thing in this division will be the Packers with Aaron Rodgers lighting up scoreboards everywhere he goes. I think they're good enough defensively to keep the division on lockdown. After that, it gets rough. The Vikings are getting a lot older up front, to the point where one of their star DTs Pat Williams was considering retirement. While the Vikes have proven that they can handle the Brett Favre circus, the fact that Favre got battered last year has to be somewhat disconcerting. Add that to the fact that their top 2 receivers, Sidney Rice and Percy Harvin, are both experiencing injury woes, and that might spell a downturn from the 14-4 total record and NFC Title Game appearance they had last year. The Lions and Bears will both be better than advertised, especially on defense. I have them both slotted for 6-10, but I feel like that's an underestimation of record. Again, tough division to call here.

NFC South
d-1. Atlanta Falcons (10-6)
w-2. New Orleans Saints (10-6)
3. Carolina Panthers (7-9)
4. Tampa Bay Buccanneers (3-13)

The Saints won the title last year mainly because their defense finally caught up with their offense, but it really wasn't on account of them stiffening up. They got a lot of turnovers, which is going to help a team's record a whole hell of a lot if they can't stop teams. Not coincidentally, the Saints couldn't exactly stop teams last year, and a lot of times, they had to come back from huge deficits to keep their record going. That's why I don't think they win the South this year. They're still really good, but the Falcons, after taking a step back last year, are ready to move forward and ensure there won't be a repeat winner in this division yet again. I really like their balanced offense, and they've got a nice little defense too. Carolina isn't going to be terrible - they never are - but I don't see a team relying on Matt Moore or Jimmy Clausen at QB challenging either Atlanta or New Orleans. Tampa stinks.

NFC West
d-1. San Francisco 49ers (10-6)
2. Arizona Cardinals (8-8)
3. Seattle Seahawks (7-9)
4. St. Louis Rams (4-12)

This is another hard division to call. I'm going with San Fran here mainly on strength of their defense and running game. Patrick Willis is a beast, and I think this is the year he takes over as one of the best, if not the best, defensive player in the NFL. Still, every time I want to pick San Fran to win anything, they crap the bed. Hopefully, this is the year they reverse that. Arizona took major steps back when they traded Anquan Boldin and saw Kurt Warner retire. Neither Matt Leinart or Derek Anderson have the chops to step in and produce in that offense like Warner, who may very well be a HOFer, could, and when you have an offense predicated on passing as much as the Cards are, that's a problem. Seattle will improve, but they're still short a few guns in this arms race. St. Louis will still be terrible, but they may turn around quicker than you think in the coming years. They've got a few nice pieces on defense, and if Sam Bradford gets some meaningful snaps this year (hint, he will), then it'll help his maturation along a lot.

AFC East
d-1. New York Jets (12-4)
2. New England Patriots (9-7)
3. Miami Dolphins (7-9)
4. Buffalo Bills (5-11)

I liked the Jets a lot more before I heard Darrelle Revis was holding out. He's the best corner in the game, and while I think the Jets have a great complete secondary, you lose out when you've got a player like that holding out of camp. Still, if I have them slotted for 12-4 now, well, yeah, I really liked them a lot before. They'll run game in the regular season. The Pats have too many questions for me to put them in the playoffs this year. Miami has some nice pieces, and I like them adding Brandon Marshall a lot, but I don't know if a team that is relying on Chad Henne at QB will be able to beat out both the Jets and Pats. The Bills are kind of a hot mess, but I think they're stouter defensively than people give them credit for. They'll be bad, but not first-pick-overall bad.

AFC North
d-1. Baltimore Ravens (13-3)
2. Cincinnati Bengals (9-7)
3. Pittsburgh Steelers (7-9)
4. Cleveland Browns (5-11)

The Ravens are a trendy pick to win this division, and why not? While their secondary is questionable at best, it won't matter much since they can pressure the QB as good or better than anyone. They gave 3rd year starter Joe Flacco a lot of weapons on offense as well. Anquan Boldin and Donte Stallworth give the Ravens their best receiving corps since leaving Cleveland, and Ray Rice is one of the top RBs in the game. The Bengals seemed to improve offensively on paper, but there are a lot of combustible elements in that locker room. I smell a letdown. The Steelers will suffer from not having Ben Roethlisberger for the first 4-6 games of the year. The Browns are a year or two away from even entering any conversation about contention, but they have some nice players (Sheldon Brown, Jerome Harrison, Joshua Cribbs).

AFC South
d-1. Indianapolis Colts (11-5)
w-2. Tennessee Titans (10-6)
3. Houston Texans (8-8)
4. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-13)

The Colts are a safe pick to win the division every year. Duh. I think the Titans are your other playoff team from this division. The Texans are the sexy pick, but Matt Schaub has never stayed healthy, even as a backup in Atlanta, and Houston seems to be struggling with injuries. While I'm not enamored with Vince Young at QB, they gave him enough weapons, and the Titans seem to have a stout enough defense. Jacksonville was banking on getting Tim Tebow to sell tickets, and Tebow is going to be a questionable pro. That should tell you enough about their team. I don't think the Jags will contend again until they move to LA.

AFC West
d-1. San Diego Chargers (10-6)
w-2. Denver Broncos (10-6)
3. Oakland Raiders (6-10)
4. Kansas City Chiefs (4-12)

The Chargers making the playoffs out of this division seems to be a given. Vincent Jackson missing the first four games of the year might be an issue, but I like Philip "Marmalard" Rivers enough that I don't think it'll matter. For some reason, I like the Broncos to get the other wild card spot in the AFC. They have a good enough defense, even though they have questionable playmaking ability on offense now that they traded away Brandon Marshall. Be that as it may, I think they get in. The Raiders will be better than advertised, but I think they're a year away. Jason Campbell is a major upgrade over JaMarcus Russell at QB though, plus they have a nice little defense. The Chiefs have a few pieces, specifically Jamaal Charles and Thomas Jones, but I don't think they have the pieces defensively, and I hate Matt Cassell as a starting QB.

Playoffs? PLAYOFFS?

Falcons over Giants
Saints over 49ers
Broncos over Colts
Chargers over Titans

Falcons over Cowboys
Packers over Saints
Chargers over Jets
Ravens over Broncos

Packers over Falcons
Ravens over Chargers

Packers over Ravens

NFL Awards
MVP - Aaron Rodgers, QB, GB
OPOY - Rodgers
DPOY - Patrick Willis, ILB, SF
Coach - John Harbaugh, BAL
OROY - Jermaine Gresham, TE, CIN
DROY - Brandon Graham, DE, PHI (I'm allowed one homer pick, y'know)

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!