Wrestling Six Packs: New Year's Resolutions for Wrestlers

GAH SO BORING
Photo Credit: WWE.com

If you ask me, the idea of the New Year's Resolution is kinda bogus. I mean, if you're going to change yourself, then you don't need to confine that to just the beginning of the year. However, they're popular, and there are a bunch of people who SHOULD be making New Year's Resolutions. There are obvious ones, like Jeff Hardy should resolve to stop using drugs and Nick Gage to not rob a bank, but here are six other ones that I hope you guys find agreeable.

1. Cary Silkin and ROH administration: Learn to balance the books better and deal with talent in a more judicious manner

ROH is at a point where they can grow their brand and develop into a national promotion with better drawing power on tours than maybe TNA. Okay, so you'd want all the star power possible, right? So why do you need to jettison quality talent like Necro Butcher, Austin Aries, Kevin Steen and the Dark City Fight Club for either a short period of time or, in Aries' case, forever? C'mon now, either you're as good at keeping the books as you like, or you don't have the touch in mediating the locker room. Stuff like that needs to be fixed if ROH is truly to go national.

2. Randy Orton: To emote more

C'mon Randy, you're not a soulless heel anymore. You don't need to stalk to the ring like you're a deadbeat dad dreading going in for a court hearing. Walk briskly, smile at the fans, do more gesturing to the crowd. So what if you're not a traditional babyface? Steve Austin at least interacted with the crowd and did more than pound the mat before he went for his signature move. You're just so damn boring to watch anymore.

3. Matt Striker: To tone it down a bit

You get a lot of hate on the Internet, and while I'm a defender, I can see why. Whenever you go over the top to try and get yourself over as the epic voice of the WWE, you end up sounding obnoxious. Meanwhile, I enjoy the hell out of you on Superstars, when you actually break matches down and give analysis. Why can't you do that more? Seriously, Vince McMahon and Jim Ross had the chops to go big. You just end up making us want you to go home. Kick it down a notch, please.

4. Icarus: To wear more tee-shirts

Seriously dude, I'm pretty sure most of the heel heat you get from Chikara crowds has to do with that terrible tattoo. You got a chant at Ciberknetico despite being totally awful in every way. Why? Because you wore a shirt. Yep. I tried starting one for STIGMA, but it didn't take. But you? You got one. Wear more shirts boss, and maybe you won't get those "Worst in the world! Worst in the world!" chants.

5. CIMA: To say "Uuuuu!" on Twitter more

Because you obviously don't say it enough.

6. AJ Styles: To stop giving a crap what censors or producers think

Seriously, the Impact moment of the year might have been when you yelled "SHUT UP, HOOKER!" at Madison Rayne. So what if you make the censors work a little harder to bleep out your more colorful slips? You saying outrageous shit like that makes Impact more watchable. Let it all go. It's not like people watch Impact anyway. Do the opposite of what I want Matt Striker to be. It's a lot more awesome when a wrestler does that kind of thing than when an announcer does.

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