Jobbers Exit This Way and Other Creative Signs: 2011 Royal Rumble Review

Campeon!
Photo Credit: WWE.com

The Royal Rumble is one of a select few events (WrestleMania and King of Trios being the other for me) on the wrestling calendar that is can't-miss, no matter how tepid the build up is. This year, the WWE tested that theory by totally underwhelming everyone with the television build-up, not only to the Rumble itself but to the two title matches. However, this was one of those situations where the event itself, specifically the newly expanded Rumble match, exceeded the build and made for an entertaining use of my PPV dollar. Let's dive in.

The event opened with a wide shot of the crowd, where an Aqua Teen Hunger Force sign was spotted. This was the first of many epic signs that the Boston crowd toted out for the event. Among the ones I noticed were four signs across the front row saying "We hate Sign Guy!" (poor Sign Guy Rick), "Congrats YAMATO" (I bet Gabe Sapolsky was thrilled with the free pub), "PUSH ZACK RYDER" (YUS!) and my personal favorite, which came out at the start of the Rumble match, "Jobbers Exit This Way" with an arrow pointing to the back. Brilliant. I have to say, a big reason why I enjoyed the event so much was because of the signs but especially the reactions of the crowds. Boston, pat yourselves on the back, because you were a great crowd.

The first match was the World Championship match between Edge and Dolph Ziggler. This match was very methodically-paced, especially early on. Be that as it may, Ziggler was really impressive to me here. He took some hard bumps on the outside, and then after rebounding back on offense, he hit Edge with a stump neckbreaker and had really nice form on the pin, grabbing Edge's free arm so he couldn't grab onto the bottom rope. It's little stuff like that that impresses me, and Ziggler has that down pat. He's definitely a top 5 worker on the roster right now. I was actually really impressed with both guys in this match, and with the way Edge has a tendency to be all slug-like, that was a good sign. I have to say though, I could have done without the SPEAR~! while Vickie Guerrero was knocked out, especially since he was going to finish Ziggler with the Killswitch anyway. But all in all, the whole schmozz finish didn't feel as bad or overbooked as I thought it might have. I'm not sure why Kelly Kelly was the one to attack Vickie, but hey, if it leads to Drew McIntyre being in the WHC Elimination Chamber at Elimination Chamber *sigh*, then I'm all for it. Again, I didn't expect Ziggler to win here, so I wasn't bummed that he lost, and I actually thought he was put over as much as a guy in his position could have been. This was the best match on the undercard.

Next up was a shot to the back with Miz and Alex Riley cutting a promo on Randy Orton and Boston itself with a shot on Tom Brady. It was a good promo, but ripping on a QB that already has three Super Bowls? Ah, I guess the "what have you done for me lately" schtick is in play here. Anyway, onto the match itself, and it was what I expected, at least at first. Orton dominated Miz until Riley got involved, then things got to be more equal between the two. Miz carried the match for me, bumping for Orton and pulling out some neat tricks himself, especially a NOSE HOOK! on his camel clutch midmatch. I love blatantly cheap heel moves like that. I also loved the knee lift he did to Orton as he was hanging over the apron. Orton sold it well too. I have to say, Orton was very giving during the match when he had to sell, well, until the countout tease spot when after taking a catapult to the ring post, he leaped back into the ring at 8 and just went HAM on Miz. Ugh, no-selling the biggest move in the match just killed it for me. Anyway, the finish of the match just went into Russo-overbooking territory. Nexus came out to distract Orton, which gave Riley time to Pearl Harbor Orton, only to fail miserably. Then Miz ate a RKO but it was a CM Punk GO TO SLEEEEEEEEP that prevented Orton from getting the pin. Punk laid Miz on top of Orton and bam, Miz retained. I didn't understand why Miz had to eat the RKO before everything, as the visual of him picking the bones after Punk did the heavy lifting would have been so much better, but hey, he's still Champ and he's still AWESOME.

After the match, Todd Grisham read an official public statement from Dashing Cody Rhodes, which was pretty well-written. I really like this "I AM HIDEOUS IN THE FACE" Cody Rhodes angle. It's really showing his range well, and I think it could lead to bigger things for him.

Next up was our filler match, the handicap LayCool vs. Nattie Neidhart match, only it wasn't. The Anonymous GM beeped in and made the affair a fatal four way, inserting Eve Torres into the match. Anyway, this was a pretty nondescript match except for a few moments. They were LayCool teasing dissension yet again and Nattie busting out a two-for-one Sharpshooter, this time on Layla and Eve. The match was probably chaotic by design. Anyway, the finish was a double pin, Eve on Layla after a moonsault and then McCool with a roll-up on Nattie. The ref counted the Eve pin and ignored the McCool pin, making Eve the new Pretty Butterfly Champion.

Next up, another Daniel Bryan vignette where he had to break up a fight between Gail Kim and the Bella Twins. Amusing.

Finally, the 40-man Royal Rumble was upon us. It started out with CM Punk drawing number 1 and a member of the Corrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre drawing number 2, but which one was unclear, as Wade Barrett and Ezekiel Jackson came out from the entryway and Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater came out from the crowd. They surrounded Punk and started to beat him down until the Nexus came out to even the odds. The GM announced that if everyone didn't clear the ring, they'd all be kicked out of the Rumble, so they all left. The real number 2 was Daniel Bryan, which kicked off the first portion of the Rumble - Punk and Bryan put on display for nerds everywhere. It was pretty epic, as Bryan and Punk always found their way back to brawling with each other. After Bryan had dumped Gabriel and Zack Ryder, he went at it with Punk again, eliciting a dueling "LET'S GO PUNK!" "LET'S GO BRYAN!" chant from the Boston faithful. Nope Vince, the Internet darlings don't translate to the big stage at all, do they? Oh man, for me, a guy who's a HUGE fan of both guys, that was my personal satisfaction of the night. William Regal drew #5, and this was where the first big pile-up started to happen, as Ted DiBiase, John Morrison and Yoshi Tatsu came to the ring without elimination. There were two real standout moments here for me. One was Regal and Bryan engaging in a European uppercut war. I wonder if Claudio Castagnoli got a chance to watch and marvel at that? The second - and this one may end up being the spot of the year and maybe the most memorable Rumble spot ever - saw Regal bump Morrison from the apron to sure elimination... except Morrison pulled some epic Spider-man shit out of his bag and landed clinging to the guardrail like he was the aforementioned superhero. Wow. I literally had my jaw dropped at seeing it. They replayed it twice. They should have replayed it like 30 times. It was that amazing.

Husky Harris, Chavo Guerrero, Mark Henry and JTG were the next four in. This was a pretty unremarkable spot except for Chavo getting a nice moment, going for the Three Amigos on several people but keeping getting interrupted until he ended up completing the trio on Bryan. One of the big Rumble subplots was giving certain veterans their time in the sun, and I thought it was really cool of them, especially since Chavo hasn't exactly had stellar treatment from management in his WWE tenure. The tone of the match would change once two of the next three entrants in the Rumble were Michael McGillicutty and David Otunga. With the Nexus 4/5 strong in the ring, everyone started getting cleared out, starting with Bryan and Morrison and continuing until the Nexus members were the only ones in the ring waiting for people to come out. Tyler Reks, Kozlov and R-Truth all got swiftly dumped. Khali came out and was able to eliminate Harris, but then the next guy out was predictably Mason Ryan, who eliminated Khali and got his big rub for the night.

Next up though was the first of two big surprises that may or may not have been spoiled for you depending on how closely you paid attention to the Internet all weekend long. BOOKER MOTHERFUCKING T made his WWE return, looking as bug-eyed and hype as in the glory days. He came out and proceeded to hit all his classic signature spots on various Nexus members, including an epic SPINAROONI that had me leaping off my couch in marking out. Yeah, he got dumped almost immediately after by Ryan, but damn, it was good to see Booker in a WWE ring again. The next one out from the back was John Cena, and this is when the Rumble went from Nexus dominance to Cena's big hot streak run. Cena took out Ryan, McGillicutty and Otunga before turning his sights to Punk. Given the events of the night, both before and after that spot, it looked as if Cena's elimination of Punk was the big blowoff to their proceedings, which is disappointing given we didn't get a PPV match out of it, but at the same time, it could have been worse.

Hornswoggle was the next to come out, and obviously, Cena wasn't going to toss him. They proceeded to team up, which actually wasn't as horrifying as it might have sounded. You know me, I HATEHATEHATEHATE Hornswoggle, but I thought his entry into the Rumble this year was well done. He basically piggybacked off Cena, doing all his spots and helping him double team both Tyson Kidd and Heath Slater for quick eliminations. He even gave an Attitude Adjustment to Tyson Kidd, which is no small feat for a small guy like that. Kofi Kingston, Jack Swagger and Sheamus were the next three out, and this signaled another big pileup. Sheamus ended up eliminating Hornswoggle with a Brogue Kick to the face off the top rope. For Hornswoggle, that had to have been like Mick Foley falling off the top of the Cell. I gained a little respect for the midget last night.

The next three out were Rey Mysterio, RED BELLY Barrett and Ziggler, but they were only the precursor for the next of the two big surprise entrants... DIESEL. No, not Kevin Nash, but MOTHERFUCKING DIESEL. Man, I marked out seeing Nash come out in the classic Big Daddy Cool get up, and so did the crowd. Diesel got some loud chants. He was SUPER over. He was very charitable towards the current stars too, eating a 619 from Mysterio (payback from when Nash tossed ReyRey into that trailer like a lawn dart?) and then eating an elimination from Barrett. Nash stayed at ringside to soak up the cheers from the Boston faithful before heading back at the same time Big Show was on his way out. The two had a bit of a staredown with each other while they were passing. Does this mean more than it was? Well, maybe, maybe not, but hey, everyone let their imaginations run wild with that one.

Now we started getting into the final run of the match. Guys started coming and going, some, like Alex Riley, were eliminated while the cameras were elsewhere. Ezekiel Jackson got a huge rub by eliminating Big Show. Cena was the longest tenured guy in the Rumble. Alberto del Rio drew #38 and actually spent his sweet time getting to the ring to avoid the fray that was in there... that is until Orton drew #39 and forced del Rio to make an entry. Kane drew #40 which was surprising to me since I was sure Triple H would be in this match. He wasn't. Not that I'm complaining. Santino got run over by I believe Swagger and Sheamus before they both got eliminated, and he rolled out under the bottom rope, which led the announcers to mistakenly believe he was eliminated. More on him later. The apparent final four were Cena, Orton, Barrett and del Rio. Cena got eliminated by The Miz, who had come out to do commentary. Orton went to eliminate Barrett, which he did, but then almost immediately after, del Rio dumped him and started celebrating. Which would have been nice had Santino not been lurking on the outside, readying his Cobra. He hit del Rio and then started celebrating like he just won the lottery, doing his awesome invisible trombone. At this point, I really thought they were going to let Santino win the Rumble, which immediately made me think of my boy and TWB superfan Jake Duvall and how happy he'd be with him winning. However, del Rio eluded elimination and sent Santino over the top rope.

I was completely satisfied and impressed with the Rumble match, both with the action inside of the ring and the result. This Rumble was booked more like a traditional Pat Patterson-laid out Rumble unlike last year's jaunty and different match, but like last year's, this one was still so action packed and laden with tension and surprise that it was on par with last year's. del Rio winning was the icing on the cake. He wasn't an established star who didn't need it, nor was he an untalented musclehead whom the WWE was trying to ram down our throats. The guy in eight short months has generated main event levels of heel heat by being a talented dick, both inside and out of the ring, and I'm glad they rewarded him with one of the headline spots at WrestleMania. Some people may be poo-pooing this, but not me. This was the absolute right call, and it made for a very satisfying end to a bang-bang start to the WWE PPV year...

...but you already knew that.

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