 |
| Imagine Triple H gripping up a brony instead of Heyman. Yep, can't unimagine THAT Photo Credit: WWE.com |
First up, @Kenzaki24 asks for a daunting favor, wanting a refurbishment of WWE's light heavyweight, tag team and women's divisions.
Let's take this piecemeal. For one, I really don't believe in weight divisions in wrestling. If we had them, then where would the classic David vs. Goliath stories be? We'd be deprived moments like Rey Mysterio being able to wrestle for more than a belt that is treated like a joke because Vince McMahon loves his roid monsters or Daniel Bryan being Daniel Bryan. That being said, if they're going to do a cruiserweight show, they'd do worse than poaching some of the best smaller guys from around the world and in their own roster (Yoshi Tatsu, Trent Barretta, Alex Shelley, El Generico, Prince Devitt, Evan Bourne, Rich Swann, ACH and PAC to name a few) and letting them go CRAZY GO NUTS for an hour each week.
The tag team division seems like an easier fix because they have teams in place that are together regularly. It's just a matter of keeping some kind of spotlight on them without the urge to have Big Show destroy the division every other show. Seriously, how fucking stupid is it to utterly decimate guys who are in contention for what should be a major title. It's just a matter of telling better stories with tag teams, nothing really that special.
The women's division seems like it needs a lot of work, but I think they're closer than we all think. Crowds want to see legit women's wrestling, whether they know it or not. It's a hit on the independent level, and it's drawn big numbers on Impact. The first thing they can do is rebrand the division from something other than "Divas". OR better yet, maybe they can just be Superstars like the men. They have the roster for it right now, whether in the bigs or right below in FCW/NXT. They also have a burgeoning star in AJ. I'd say she bides her time as the GM before coming back to active competition after the other women in the division got a bit up to speed.
Next, we have @czach1r wants more fantasy booking, this time wanting to know how I think Aces and Eights should play out with the rider that James Storm is Sting from 1996.
I have no idea how it is going to play out, but I will indulge everyone on how I think it should play out. Firstly, I think that they should be revealed as being led by Jeff Jarrett. Yeah, I know, Jeff Jarrett is pretty much the worst main guy in wrestling history, but in theory, A&8s is the perfect vehicle for the destruction of Impact. He's the founder, and he's slowly seen the promotion that was founded in his image and likeness eroded away to the point where it's now under the control of the hated Hulk Hogan and Sting. Even the name was changed from his original idea. It's successful, yeah, but it's not the company he built.
So he wants to destroy it. Using the wrestlers he personally recruited from waiver wires, back alleys and other countries, Jarrett's legion systematically takes out each Champion, starting with Brother Devon, destroying the Television Championship belt in the process. Then the X-Division and Tag Team Championship belts would be next. Finally, there would be an epic standoff between the ragtag resistance, led by Austin Aries and backed by an assortment of Impact defenders against the group. This leads to a match for the World Championship, which Jarrett wins after Kurt Angle, a key member of the resistance, turns and reveals himself to be part of the group as well. His reasoning would be that his only dream left was to compete for the Olympic team in 2012, but an injury sustained in an Impact ring kept him out.
So, they're about ready to destroy the title belt when all of a sudden, one guy appears from the back in the form of James Storm. Storm, as noted in the blog post linked above, is now linked to being part of the group by his former tag partner Robert Roode, but he's denied the allegations. Right now, he's Sting from 1996, disgusted by A&8s tactics but hurt by the distrust shown to him by the other Impact defenders. Not being able to stand on the sidelines anymore, he attacks Jarrett, knowing that he'd be consumed in a beatdown anyway, but finally, Aries and the rest of the defenders rise up and contribute to the bedlam.
Anyway, long story short, Storm ends up capturing the Championship back from Jarrett, leading to one final showdown at Lockdown in a Lethal Lockdown match. If A&8s win, Impact closes forever. If Team Impact wins, Jarrett and his crew leaves the company to those who have done well with it. Obviously, Team Impact wins, wrapping up the story. Of course, there are a lot of details to fill in, but hey, this is only a Q&A mailbag, not a whole fantasy booking post.
@mjones99 asks what four-to-five minute song I'd like to see used for an epic video package.
It's three minutes, but I would this song would provide a great backdrop for a video package for CM Punk:
It would've worked a lot better during the Straight Edge Society days if they had given him more things to do other than shave people's heads and get clowned by Big Show, but I think it could work now if he really has turned heel and is not just "heel for The Rock" like John Cena was. Yeah, I know, it shows my bias towards '90s alternative, but I always wanted to hear more from Cracker and never got around to getting any of their albums. Maybe I should make a visit to my iTunes store...
@Parlett316 has probably the easiest one to answer of the bunch, if Triple H jobbed in the forest, would it make a sound?
The forest is the only place Triple H lays down because rarely anyone who isn't a Juggalo watches wrestling in the woods. Speaking of which, now that Ric Flair is going to Gathering of the Juggalos this year, is Triple H more likely to appear one year? Y'know, since he wants to outdo everything Flair has ever done. That would mean he'd have to do better (weirder?) than the Juggalos. So, with that being said, Triple H is a lock for Brony-con 2013. BANK ON IT.
My boy @BDonn1230 wants a confidence level from 1 to 10 as to whether Rock will compete at WrestleMania. He claims to have read a report that Rock may not be as much of a lock to be there as previously claimed.
I don't know where this report is, but the only way I see Rock missing WrestleMania is if he's got a premiere date for his GI Joe movie then. Even so, he's going to win the title at the Rumble. I think we can all pretty much guarantee that, right? So with that in mind, I'd give my confidence level a 9. Almost a lock.
Fellow Chikaraphile @FriskeyVsWorld wants to know which former WWE guy I want in Chikara who hasn't appeared there yet.
I know you guys might all be expecting an old-school answer, given the mark-out moment I had with Meng/Haku being announced for King of Trios, but right about now, I think I'd like to see Chris Masters compete there. He'd be the best Claudio Castagnoli they had since Claudio left, and the dude would make whomever he wrestled look like a million bucks because outside of Christian, no one sells a limb better in wrestling today. No one. Maybe a team Ring Ka King entry for King of Trios with Masters, Chavo Guerrero and Super Domino, err, Cliff Compton?
The most attractive African-American guest on the podcast ever, Butch Rosser, is travelling down the alternate history timeline and wants to know how I think history would've played out had ECW survived in 2001 with WCW still going down.
Yeesh, that's a doozy. The only way I see ECW surviving is if Paul Heyman comes under federal indictment for fraud for the way he cooked the books and let the company go under financial ruin. That means no Smackdown Six, but it also means no ECW corpse kicking either. It also means that Combat Zone Wrestling, Ring of Honor, IWA-Mid South and other indie promotions don't have the room to boom out, and TNA probably is cramped in its growth with another major company of the same stature to share talent with. So yeah, if ECW had survived, the wrestling landscape probably would have been a whole lot different.
@phatti wants to know what the best era for tag teams was.
Well, objectively speaking, there'll be those who point to the early '80s AWA, when tag teams were drawing better than their singles programs at house shows, mid '80s NWA where the Rock 'n Roll Express carried the company to a lucrative "B" show circuit to supplement the traveling circus featuring Ric Flair and co. The early-to-mid '90s had some good stuff, and right now, Pro Wrestling Guerrilla and Chikara both have excellent tag team scenes. All would be great answers.
Personally though, my answer would be 1999-2001 WWF. It started with the last gasp of the New Age Outlaws leading into the Terri Invitational Tournament between the Canadian Blondes and Hardy Boyz. That feud picked up steam when the company poached the Dudley Boys from ECW, and thus a rivalry was born that would shorten careers but yield five legit singles stars (and Devon). Interjections from the APA would be pretty welcome at some points, although X-Factor's involvement in the scene was kinda lame. The three teams also had the only good match that I remember from WrestleMania 2000, so they get bonus points for that.
@OkoriWadsworth asks if I think there'll ever be a time when WWE will openly mention major promotions from other countries as canon.
I doubt it. Why would they need to? In their minds, they are wrestling because they're bigger than wrestling in America. Whether that's true or not in reality (it's not), they have the revenue and the opportunities to be able to act like that, and so while other companies would benefit from namedropping CMLL or New Japan, WWE views themselves as bigger than those companies (and in some respects, competitors to those companies since they're expanding more and more into Japan and especially Mexico).
Finally, @fte88 asks what a Pro Wrestling Olympics would look like.
It's definitely topical, that's what. With the Olympics in full-swing right now, country pride takes precedence over most other things. So, what countries could reasonably provide Olympic teams? Let's take a look:
USA
Canada
Mexico
Japan
Australia
United Kingdom
Ireland
Samoa
Parts Unknown
Russia
I'd say Russia's wrestling output is a bit low, even if we're just considering fake Russians nowadays. Also, Parts Unknown's wrestlers aren't popping up like they used to. So, how about rosters of eight for each emissary? Obviously, this would be harder for each nation for different reasons.
USA - CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, John Cena, Austin Aries, Eddie Kingston, Kurt Angle, Sara del Rey, James Storm
Canada - Christian, Chris Jericho, Robert Roode, Kevin Steen, El Generico, Player Uno, Stupefied, Michael Elgin
Mexico - Alberto del Rio, La Sombra, El Terrible, LA Park, El Hijo del Santo, Atlantis, Ultimo Guerrero, Sin Cara
Japan - Kana, Hiroshi Tanahashi, Shinsuke Nakamura, Akira Tozawa, CIMA, Meiko Satomura, Takeshi Morishima, KENTA
United Kingdom - PAC, Wade Barrett... well, there are a bunch of British wrestlers out there, but I really don't feel like I'm qualified to make an entire roster without resorting to *shudder* Mason Ryan.
Ireland - Sheamus, Finlay, Prince Devitt... uh, a little help here?
Samoa - Samoa Joe, Jimmy Uso, Jey Uso, Rikishi... uh, Sonny Siaki? Is he still active?
Australia - Y'know what? Naming rosters is harder than I thought.
So yeah, when you get the rosters, then what? Well, I'd probably do it with cards of five matches, three singles matches, a tag and a six-person tag. Divide the countries into groups of four, have a round robin for the first round and then have the top two teams in each division make it to the knockout round.
Now, as for who'd win? Well, I'm afraid that'd turn into an international incident. I ain't touching it with a ten-foot pole.
Thanks again for the questions, and tune into Twitter next Friday to give me some more.
