A Not-So-Serious Rebuttal to Kevin Nash

LOL Nash
Photo Credit: WWE.com

By now, most wrestling fans who know better have learned to tune out Kevin Nash when he goes on ranting and raving about the business. The man has some good ideas, don't get me wrong, but when he starts talking about what "draws" or not, it gets laughable. Case in point, he recently did an interview with Grantland (not with David Shoemaker, which is interesting in its own right) talking about a bunch of stuff, with people getting up in arms about comments he made about their favorite wrestlers not being draws because "lol short". Getting riled up about Nash calling guys like Eddie Guerrero and Bryan Danielson vanilla midgets is like getting pissed off whenever Fred Phelps says that God hates fags. It's old news, and maybe we should wait for someone who should know better to say those kinds of stupid/reprehensible things to get outraged.

There was one thing that stood out to me. In comparison to why people don't want to see the smaller guys, he made this gem of a quote:

Are you going to watch a porno movie with a guy with a three-inch dick? Even if you're not gay, you will not watch a porno movie with a guy with a three-inch dick.

I can take him calling CM Punk a bad Champion because he's not a legit 7 feet tall because we all know he's delusional when he says that, but c'mon now, penis size is the thing we're going to compare it to? That's just wrong.

First off, who says there even needs to be a dick in porno for it to be appealing? There is an entire market dedicated to girl-on-girl porn that sells like hotcakes. HOTCAKES. There's nary a penis to be found in some of the most popular pornography out there. You know what else is pretty popular? Women masturbating, and I think we can all agree that fingers are a lot smaller than the average pornstar dick.

Second, most peopled don't really care about the penis when watching porno. There's a saying "It's not the size that matters, it's how you use it." Obviously, it refers more to less-endowed guys getting girls, but it rings a whole lot truer for guys who watch porn. Personally, I don't care if the guy is Dirk Diggler or if he's got the world's most hilarious micropenis. I want to see sex acts being performed, and most of it has to do with the women in the film anyway. I mean, a penis is a penis, right? It's a means of conveyance.

I've already given too much time to a throwaway analogy, but c'mon, I've seen way too many women's jailhouse porno flicks in people's porn stashes (pre-Internet, of course) to know that guys just don't care about seeing dicks in porno, let alone whatever size they are.

Then again, maybe we should be praising Nash for having the gumption to compare wrestling to pornography, since they are very much related. But that's a whole other post for a whole other day, and one that would deserve a lot more seriousness than this one.