Monday, October 22, 2012

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings: October 22nd

YOU MADE ME DO THIS, INTERNET
Photo Credit: Me
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 1) - Bryan retains his #1 ranking by having an epic kid-friendly match on Saturday Morning Slam with Tyson Kidd. He's bringing his example to the kids! Also, he's the world's strongest Vegan in character at least. Since he now no longer keeps Vegan out of character, the shoot title defers to Mike Tyson or UltraMantis Black. I haven't decided yet.

2. The Big Show (Last Week: 8) - Honestly, all you people slagging on Big Show can eat me. He's been awesome since he turned, and I really think they should put the title on him. It sure beats having Sheamus call people dirty wetbacks and beating them up after the bell, that's for sure. At least you KNOW Show is not only going to charm you with his deadpan, but he makes no bones about being a lout.

3. Bolt Brady (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Dude dressed up as Freakazoid at Beyond Good and Evil '12 yesterday. WIN.

4. Damien Sandow (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Yeah, I know, his new shirt was "lifted" from the Blue Meanie. Somehow, I think it fits Sandow more than it does Meanie though. Plus, it's far past due to give props to our intellectual savior for introducing the masses to the Elbow of Disdain.

5. Chocolate-covered Bacon (Last Week: Not Ranked) OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS-SPONSORED ENTRY - This is what happens when they have a chocolate fountain at brunch. I HAVE NO REGRETS.

6. Wrestling Is Fun (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Free iPPV! Of course, they had to do it when I was scheduled to go to a bottle exchange, but hey, I'm piddling and unimportant. FREE iPPV IS NOT!

7. Robert Griffin III (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Dude's amazing as all get out. The only reason he's not ranked higher is because he plays for Washington. Yuck.

8. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 3) - I am giving all the credit in the world for WWE letting Eve Torres actually do things other than pop her booty in the ring to the Queen of Wrestling. Also, Kaitlyn showed alright acting chops. More credit for SDR.

9. Kane (Last Week: 5) - He's a good friend, dammit!

10. Mark Henry (Last Week: 10) - MARK HENRY FACT: Mark Henry once divided by zero. When it resulted in Matt Hardy being introduced to Somas, he vowed never to do it again.