Who Do I Gotta Pay Off to See Santino in Chikara?

Can we get him in Chikara soon? PLEASE?
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Comedy wrestling is hard. It's like really gosh-darn hard, actually. Many people try it, and very few do it well enough to hang onto it as a niche for longer than a singular run. Santino Marella is one of those guys, and he's definitely on the shortlist of people who've done it well enough in WWF/E to make a career out of it. While he's bonkers popular with the kids in the crowd, there are certain members of the fanbase who hate him because he's too cartoony. Furthermore, it seems like the front office is content to trot him out as a sideshow once a show, do his Pavlovian stimulus and then go to the back again but let their contempt of comedy keep him from achieving anything more.

Obviously, this isn't a pedantic screed against Santino losing matches. You should know me well enough by now, and if you're a new reader, I couldn't care less who won or lost the match in about 98 percent of cases. However, this is totally about giving a patently gifted performer a wider canvas and larger palette with which to work. Santino is languishing right now, and it shows in his matches. He does the same thing in all of them, often in the same meter/sequence. He's in a rut. He's been in one for a while, but it was really hammered home to me during a match a couple of weeks ago, when he actually burst out and did something that felt different for him, "running" the ropes in his patented Santino-march several times before he was stopped. It took that moment of freshness to punctuate how bad he's been.

This isn't the Santino that I know and love. I've seen him at his best as a plucky underdog in the Royal Rumble trying to vulture a win over Alberto del Rio. I laughed at the Honk-a-meter. I dug him flipping gender roles with Beth Phoenix during Glamarella and I even thought his run in drag was pretty good. Right now, I see a guy that I think creative has nothing for, and thus they stick him in the second spot on Main Event or on Superstars or as the stand-in dated pop culture reference on RAW. He needs a different environment, more than anyone on the roster right now. If only there were a company where comedic characters were able to improv in the ring with other talented wrestlers and not be pigeonholed as "lovable losers" like they'd be in WWE...

...oh yeah, there is one. It's called Chikara.

Right now, the holy grail fantasy wrestler/promotion pairing HAS to be Santino in Chikara. Does anyone realize how liberated he'd be there? Would anyone doubt that Santino vs. Colt Cabana would be on paper the greatest comedy match ever? Or what about the Milan Miracle going up against any one of Chikara's relic characters like Darkness Crabtree or Jervis Cottonbelly? Or best yet, wouldn't it be rad to let him take a crack at making a legit run in Chikara? It is one of the only places on earth where a "comedic" character can be something more than comic relief. Seriously, what kind of genie do I need to find to grant that wish?

This is one of those pipe dreams that'll never happen unless Marella gets WELLNESS'd or busted for drunk driving again (and if either is the case, he'd have more important things to attend to than getting booked post Future Endeavorment). I presume he's got a job for life because he provides a service not many people in WWE right now can. They may not be featuring him on "our" shows, but he's a huge part of Saturday Morning Slam, which is key in keeping the kiddies indoctrinated. So yeah, who knows if he even cares that he's "only" going out and performing a formulaic dog-and-pony show on the big three TV shows.

However, that doesn't mean I want more from him. It's clear that he's a gifted performer when motivated and given a purpose/reign to improvise. Let him run game in Chikara for a couple of months before he's totally shot. Please, someone pay attention to this. The world would be better off for this having happened.