Saturday, December 29, 2012

Twitter Request Line, Vol. 19

This is going to headline Mania again, you know it to be true
Photo Credit:
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, especially around Friday night after Smackdown, and wait for the call. Or don't wait for it actually. I'll try to get everything for this feature no matter when in the week you shoot me the Tweet. Anyway, here we go.

First up, @Bdonn1230 wants to know what I'd wager as being the main event of WrestleMania.

Well, first, I'd have to know what the matches of Mania would be. The matches that are assumed are CM Punk vs. Undertaker, Triple H vs. Brock Lesnar, and of course, The Rock vs. John Cena II. Of those, I'd put all my money on Rock/Cena, because how do you close with any other match? I mean, Trips/Lesnar could close if you think that Trips is enough of an egomaniac to think that his revenge on a dude that hasn't made a single appearance since SummerSlam over a rematch with a million times more emotional cache. But I'm not.

Scott Holland of Immovable Object vs. Irresistible Force asks if WWE can and should do something to spice up the Rumble this year.

Well, the precedent is there for them tinkering with the formula before. The original Rumble was 20 man, and they upped the total to 30. Then, in 2011, they increased the number to 40. So yeah, they can.

But should they? Well, I'd say if they keep the number on the roster where it is, a 40-man Rumble might advisable. The '11 Rumble was really cool, but then again, a lot of that wasn't the number of people in the match as it was Punk's Nexus and the Corre running game in it. Luckily, we have two three-man stables around whom stories can be built. One's more light-hearted - 3MB - while the other could do some major damage in the Shield. So yeah, let's go with 40 this year.

Next up, @fte88 wants to know my wrestling-related New Year's Resolution.

Well, I'm of the belief that New Year's Resolutions should drop the New Year's part of them. We should always be willing to better ourselves. That being said, I do want to be more efficient in watching wrestling DVDs and YouTube vids, so I don't get as behind on them. I guess that's a good answer.

Danielle Matheson, the author of the Best and Worst of Impact, is a huge fan of the SUPER POSEDOWN, so she naturally wants to know whom I'd like to face in one, and what move I'd use to win.

Well, while I like a good posedown myself, I feel like I'd need to shoot low. I mean, have you seen me?

Photo Credit: My Mom
So yeah, there's no challenging even Robbie E let alone Jesse Godderz or Robbie T. So, my pick to challenge would be De Amewican Dweam himself, Dusty Rhodes. Now, as for the move I'd use to win? Well, I'd probably go with the only move that I could use to win. No, it's not the Worm, although I'm pretty sure I *could* get sympathy points for failing miserably at that. No, I'd break out the goddamn Truffle Shuffle. I don't care what Big Dust did, there's no way he's beating me when I break that shit out. GOONIES FOR LIFE!

@Kenzaki24 asks who my five breakout stars of WWE will be in the coming year.

Well, I did list five guys to watch in my WWE forecast, but some of them were already broken out. Bray Wyatt is definitely one of those five, but here are four others.

Big E. Langston - This is contingent on seeing him in an actual match. I still don't get the privilege of watching NXT, so I can't tell you how he is in ring. However, he's got a hossy look and a really neat finisher. I dug the hell out of him during the Ziggler/Miz match last night, especially when he caught Ziggler after he got dumped over the top. Now, if he's closer to Mason Ryan than Mark Henry, this one will be wrong. But I'm getting good vibes.

Seth Rollins - I've said before he's the breakout guy from The Shield. He's a weird combo of CM Punk and Jeff Hardy, and I can see that being hugely popular with the genpop fans.

Dean Ambrose - But I still feel that there's a place for the cerebral, evil bad guy on the show too. Ambrose is one of the most well-rounded dudes they have, and I think the fact that guys like Punk and Daniel Bryan have broken out bode very well for him.

Team High Visibility Work Wear... err, I mean Justin Gabriel and Tyson Kidd - There's always a market for exciting tag teams. Now that they're seemingly serious about the tag division. Get the belts on Rhodes Scholars, and then let Kidd and Gabriel bump for them and ignite the aerial pyrotechnics, and they'll be fine.

@robot_hammer needs to know how Alberto del Rio will fare as a fan favorite.

I didn't know if he could, but then on Smackdown, there was actual pathos there when was caring for Ricardo Rodriguez last night. I think if he taps into that vein, he'll be fine. If he's homophobic bully with a silly accent, then he'll flop.

Stephen T. Stone of the Complete Shot Blog asks how I'd fix WWE's problems with their wrestlers' misalignment.

I kinda think that the problem is that WWE caters to its fans' worst instincts, like their basest, most disgusting instincts, and they go way too far with it. John Cena doesn't have to be an angel, but he doesn't need to be a spiteful dick. So what I'd do is just back everything up, look at the good guys, and see how I can let them appeal to the fans who want to see cool heroes, but not make them awful people.

@SwiftySOMD wants to know what I prefer, boobs or butt.

Man, if you had asked me this like ten or even five years ago, I would've emphatically said boobs. But I've grown to appreciate a fine ass more and more over the years. So the answer is still boobs, but it's not as close as it used to be.

@LegKickTKO, aka the ILLUSTRIOUS LOBSTER MOBSTER, has two questions. First, she has four categories (cake, pie, custard, WILDCARD) that she wants me to pick my favorite dessert.


Cake - Look at the picture of me being fatty fat fatterson above, and you'll see the answer. Oreo cake. That's actually not my favorite Oreo cake though. It was good, but I prefer the cake to be denser and the frosting to be less straight-up butter creme and more somewhere between butter creme and the Oreo filling.

Pie - This is actually very hard, but the fat Pennsylvania native that I am has to go with shoo-fly pie. If you don't know what that is, it's an open topped pie filled with a mixture with a molasses base. It's a Pennsylvania Dutch delicacy. If you eat too much, you'll have diabetes within a week, but as a once-in-a-while treat? It rules.

Custard - Look, I'm an easy man to please. So any dessert that involves breaking out a blowtorch to finish is gonna take the cake for me. Creme brulee, and that's even considering that getting the "brulee" part stuck in my teeth is annoying as shit. But it's worth it.

WILDCARD! - My instincts would be to say some kind of ice cream, but really, my answer is rice pudding. A good rice pudding will trump nearly everything else out there. Kozy Shack will do in a pinch, but I like a good homemade one from a higher-end diner. Yes, rice pudding. The Charlie Kelly of desserts indeed.

Her second question, what fractured tag team do I want to see reunited?

I don't know. The answer in my heart is the original Throwbacks, Dasher Hatfield and Sugar Dunkerton. That Mr. Touchdown is a giant nerd, and Dasher can do so much better. They haven't been broken up for nearly long enough to really engender a big reaction, so I feel like I need to answer differently.

So yeah, my answer is the Motor City Machine Guns. The caveat here is that it'll happen either in WWE, which may not have the emotional impact, or it'll happen in Japan, where it'll be harder to appreciate for people who aren't as tuned into the puro scene, like I am currently not. Still, it'll be great to see them tag again, as they've always been one of the most dynamic teams out there.

@DaveMuscarella asks whatever happened to Sick Boy, and if he ever got better.

He actually grew up and became Chronically Sick Man, and has become one of the only wrestlers to speak out in favor of ObamaCare.

@MattSpaulding22 asks the age old question: Does Dolph Ziggler need a name change?

I've heard this suggestion/question be bandied about several places and several times. I feel like it deserves a good look though. It's true, the name "Dolph Ziggler" isn't exactly the best one. A Boogie Nights reference wasn't really timely, but then again, WWE isn't known for being timely with their references, do they?

However, the time to change his name should have been when he was suspended for Wellness, right after he first debuted the character. It's been three or four years since that has happened. There's way too much equity built up in his name that changing it would be an awful decision. So no, Dolph Ziggler stays, at least in my opinion.

@TuningUpTheBand wants to know how Drew Gulak is so good at what he does.

It's because he injects Soul Glow.

Another Alberto del Rio query, this time from @wildvulture, who wants to know what I thought of his antics at the end of Smackdown.

Well, there's a clear line of demarcation here between del Rio's actions and Sheamus' actions. Sheamus was really pissed off because he couldn't get yet another title shot because he really wanted one. Him coming out to Brogue Kick Big Show was a dick move. However, del Rio was completely justified. He wanted to get revenge on Show for attacking a dude way out of his paygrade who happened to be ADR's best friend. Then Show punked out of the match before del Rio could give Show a receipt. So yeah, him attacking Show after the match was pretty okay to me.

The weirdest thing though was that weird WWE synergy between guys just because they have a common energy. Didn't Sheamus and del Rio spend the better part of the year hating each other? I mean, Sheamus vandalized del Rio's car! Holy shit!

Finally, @Shane184 wants to know my lineups for Survivor with teams from both WWE and Impact Wrestling.

I never really watched Survivor, but I get the general gist of it. So here would be my teams:

WWE - Ryback, Steve Austin, Nattie Neidhart, Shawn Michaels, Daniel Bryan, Kane, Alicia Fox, Roman Reigns, Heath Slater

Impact - ODB, Eric Young, Kurt Angle, Velvet Sky, Kid Kash, Christian York, Christopher Daniels, Kazarian, Wes Brisco

I really don't know how it'd all play out, but Ryback would win, because c'mon, no one's stopping him from taking their food, and Daniel Bryan wouldn't have the luxury of taking him down with Panera.