Jessicka Havok Spits on Your Barricades: WSU/CZW Queen and King of the Ring '13 Review

She's a killer, Sami
Photo Credit: Snap Daddy

In the grand TH style. Get the replay here.

Highlights:

• Neveah, teaming with Jake Crist, dispatched Cherry Bomb, teaming with Pepper Parks, with a backpack stunner to advance in the tournament.
• Drew Gulak and Kimber Lee defeated Mickie Knuckles and Devon Moore when Lee hit Knuckles with a bridging German suplex.
• AR Fox and Athena took out Ezavel Suena and Latin Dragon after Athena hit Suena with double knees from the top.
• Addy Starr and Matt Tremont advanced in the tournament over Masada and Christina von Eerie via countout.
• In a non-title match, Sassy Stephie and Allysin Kay put down Marti Belle with a combo codebreaker/wheelbarrow suplex as Suena ran out to keep Belle's partner Lexxus from making the save.
• Lee and Gulak advanced over Crist and Neveah as Gulak reversed the backpack stunner into a Dragon sleeper on Neveah.
• In a match that featured interference from Chris Dickinson, Fox and Athena defeated Tremont and Starr via a Fox 450 splash on Tremont.
• After the match, Dickinson hit Athena with a pumphandle power bomb, and was about to do the same to Fox until Tremont chased him off.
• After a ref bump, a ref distraction, and three Air Raid Crashes, Jessicka Havok put down the challenge of Sami Callihan.
• Athena and Fox won the Queen and King of the Ring tournament over Lee and Gulak, as Athena put Gulak down with the O-Face.
• After the match, Athena called out Havok for a rematch. Havok answered with the rider that it be a two-out-of-three falls match.

General Observations:

• During the pre-show picture pose, Kimber Lee and Mickie Knuckles scrapped, which I thought would lead to something else during the tournament.
• Neveah and Cherry Bomb went to lock up to start the first match, and Bomb shrieked back in horror at the prospect of it. Her mouth is truly her greatest asset.
• There was a spot where Bomb came into the ring to draw Neveah into the ring while Pepper Parks and Jake Crist were in a lockup. While the ref went to restrain Neveah, Bomb crawled into the ring under Parks' legs and dick-flicked Crist. She did this twice before Neveah caught onto it and cut her off at the pass.
• At the beginning of the second match, Knuckles accidentally pantsed Drew Gulak. I know a few people in attendance who got the vapors at that, not naming names though. Too classy to do that.
• Speaking of Knuckles, her hairdo and mask that she wore to the ring gave off a real Aja Kong vibe. The style of wrestler jibes up too. (I swear, I will not Babinsack this review, and this will be the only mention of hair, I PROMISE.)
• Kimber Lee had Devon Moore in the corner and went in for a charge, but Moore threw his hands up, said "STOP!" and took the opportunity to poke Lee in the eyes.
• Lee's split-chinbreaker is one of the most impressive transition/five moves of doom moves I've ever seen.
• Ezavel Suena's ring entrance involves her doing a split on the apron and looking out to the crowd. Well, Athena sneaked up behind her during it and gave her bunny ears. I nearly started a "BEST IN THE WORLD! BEST IN THE WORLD!" chant.
• I don't know how AR Fox does half the flippy shit he does because he's so tall and lanky. But he hit some corkscrew thing to the floor, and I couldn't even. Nope, I had no words for it.
• The sound guy was really late with queueing up Athena's and Fox's music after their victory, so much so that Athena had to get on the mic and ask "Where's our music? We want to celebrate!"
• As Suena was walking away from the ring, Marti Belle came out to taunt her, which sent the bemasked wrestler into a fit of rage. Security and refs were there to keep the two competitors apart.
• Addy Starr and Matt Tremont were wearing each others' shirts. SO ADORBS!
• Christina von Eerie, in a reverse from the first two matches where the heel women didn't want any part of the other women out of supposed cowardice or whatever (heels!), demanded that Starr tag out so she could tangle with Tremont. Agency's a powerful thing.
• "How are you going to do a countout finish on i-pay-per-view?" -- The idiots behind me who don't get the ideas of good booking, protection, or couth.
• During the intros, Allysin Kay and Lexxus exchanged theme song burns on each other, although the spunky Lexxus may have won with her Marilyn Manson burn.
• Lexxus, by far, was the shortest and smallest competitor of the evening, but by god, her lariat? Sick. I guess she's the pound for pound lariat Champion?
• Of course, Kay answered with a lariat of her own, because classy heels always answer back. Duh.
• Suena got her revenge on Belle by preventing Lexxus from making the save on the fall that ended the match. This led to some strife after the match between Lexxus and Belle, which judging from the tag match, could be a nice diversion/feud extender for Belle and Suena.
• As the Militia was leaving the ring area, one of the jerkbags behind me shouted at Sassy Stephie "I got a twenty for ya!" You see, because any wrestler with large breasts surely wants to whip them out for money. Seriously, I almost turned around and stabbed them with my pen because fuck, man, it's assholes like them who ruin it for everybody. In fact, I'm more disappointed with myself that I didn't turn around and say something to them, and instead picked my battle later on by chanting "WHO THE FUCK CARES?" when they chanted "YOU FUCKED UP!" In retrospect, it was the wrong battle to pick.
• Crist bounced off the ropes near the enemy corner in the first semifinal, which gave Lee an opportunity to hit him in the back. Crist stopped his gait and immediately turned around to yell "ARE YOU SERIOUS?" I kinda wish people would do that a little more often, although not with the dismissive tone Crist used, but more an incredulous one. I dunno, I'm weird like that.
• Neveah had Gulak up for the backpack stunner, but Gulak made a slick counter using the Vulcan neck pinch as a transition into the Dragon sleeper. Not gonna lie, I was just a little bummed that his finish wasn't the neck pinch itself, because that would've tickled my nerd fancy so goddamn hard.
• Fans were throwing french fries at Fox before the second semifinal in an attempt for Fox to catch them in his mouth. He missed both times, with the first fry landing in the ring. I'm pretty sure one of the photographers ate the fry, and I wanted to tell him that he should probably go to his doctor to get checked for diseases. I am not sure I would want to be in general vicinity of any food that landed on a wrestling canvas, let alone eat it.
• I can tell you the exact moment that I became a member of Team Bulldozer, and it was when Tremont climbed the top rope and flew to the floor on top of both Athena and Fox while they were still milling about before the match began. The look on Starr's face said it all. That dude's crazy, and I like it.
• Fox on the apron is always a treat because he's a threat to do some crazy flippy shit off the springboard. Well, he tried a ring-in springboard move that Starr countered into a Manhattan drop, which would have been a lot cooler for me visually if it wasn't a move that targeted the gonads. (It was still pretty cool)
• After the requisite ref bump, a wild Chris Dickinson appeared, because he still had some unfinished beef with Starr. Of course, you don't fuck with Tremont's tag partner without entering a world of pain, and as those two were brawling, Fox took the opportunity to break out an inverted, imploding 450 senton that took out nearly everyone except maybe Athena (memory's hazy there). I think a piece of my jaw is still on the Flyers Skate Zone floor.
• I dig Fox feigning getting his balance on the top before a big move, although I was a bit bummed that he finished the match with a 450 instead of Lo Mein Pain. How are you gonna have a team featuring two of the best finishers in wrestling, period, have them win the whole thing, and only feature one of said finishes?
• Post-match, Dickinson slid into the ring and took Athena out with a pumphandle sitout powerbomb. He was about to do the same to Fox before Tremont chased him off.
• "You made the challenge, are you scared?" -- Sami Callihan *hoooock ptooey* -- Jessicka Havok. Yeah, I'd say if you spit in the face of the Callihan Death Machine, you are the opposite of scared.
• When the feeling out process involves copious chopping and yakuza kicks, you know it's going to be a stiff match.
• So, the match spilled to the outside, and Callihan whipped Havok into the barricade so hard that the goddamn thing broke. Like, it came apart at the hinge, and she fell back into the crowd. I don't wanna spoil the moment by saying those were the kinds of spots I expected to see in this match, but let's just say it tickled my fancy in a very expected way while at the same time still feeling like they went above and beyond.
• The abuse didn't end there! Callihan put Havok against the ringpost on the outside and went to chop, but missed. As Callihan held his hand, Havok let out a primal scream that made the hairs on my back stand up on edge.
• Callihan kept yelling "JUST QUIT" to Havok at one point, which only seemed to stoke her fires even more. For a woman who came to the ring wearing a gas mask and who generally is in a foul mood to anyone who says hi to her (in character of course, she was a damn sweetheart during intermission interacting with fans), she made a goddamn believable babyface.
• "YOU HIT LIKE A GIRL!" -- Sami. Havok responded to this with kicks so hard, it made Callihan rage-beg "NO MORE KICKS!"
• Callihan and Havok started their requisite indie match strike trading by exchanging loogies in each other's faces. I don't know how wrestlers keep their nerve in character. I get accidental blowback from my own spitting and I get grossed out.
• Another ref bump! You would think Nick Papageorgio would have learned not to stand behind a wrestler who has his opponent flat on her back in front of him.
• Callihan's Everest Saito suplex is a thing of beauty, man.
• I could understand Papageorgio's slow count on Havok's first Air Raid Crash attempt, but the second one? You had time to recover, man.
• After the match, Havok posed over Callihan with her belt, and then left, forgetting her gas mask. Callihan grabbed it and wore it to the back, doing his normal, exaggerated gait, which made it seem all the more absurd that he'd wear the mask anyway.
• Athena came out still selling her injury from Dickinson, and she got some help, albeit unintentionally, from Gulak. He gave her his trademark body slam into the ropes, but she bumped for it straight on the back of her head and neck. The word was she was concussed during the show, and I wouldn't be surprised if that was the spot where she suffered that injury.
• Fox dumped Gulak to the outside and hit him with a plancha. He popped back up, slid into the ring, ran across, and planchaed Lee on the other side before finishing off by hopping back in and dropping a tope con hilo on Gulak. That was great hustle!
• I gotta say, the ref in this match (dunno his name) was on point, because twice, Athena tried to make pinfall attempts despite not being the legal participant, and twice, the ref called them off because she wasn't legal. This wasn't even immediately after the tag, either. That ref kept track in his head. Respect.
• Fox grabbed Gulak and did the thing where he dragged him along the crowd and had audience members do the chopping for him. Gulak sold the hardest for the last one, a kid who couldn't have been any older than 10. I love that shit, man. There's no better way to make a kid feel better, and really, even if you're a show that isn't for kids, that's the best possible thing to do. It makes fans for life.
• Back in the ring, Athena slid slickly under Lee and then dropped her with something I can only describe as a pumphandle STO. I know I dig the selling and bumping more lately, but I still have a very soft spot in my heart for super-innovative offense.
• When Athena hit the O-Face on Gulak to end the match, I literally jumped so hard out of my chair that it folded up from the whiplash. To be fair, it was my first time seeing the O-Face live. Everyone should have that reaction.

Match of the Night: Sami Callihan vs. Jessicka Havok - Before the match, I expected this to be a brutally stiff, well-paced affair, and I have to say, it exceeded every expectation I had and then some. It was a match that was bathed in saliva instead of blood and the raw emotion - determination and hate on the part of Havok and dismissive frustration on the part of Callihan - permeated the atmosphere. Any two wrestlers can stiff each other and try to be brutal, but when you have two who can tell a story and have that hatred click, it's magical.

There was a lot of chirping in this match as well. Obviously, without context, Callihan calling Havok a "bitch" might seem like overkill, but it made sense in the fact that Havok fired right back, both verbally, salivarily, and of course, with her attacks. The spit was the most poignant part of the match. When I think of two people swapping spit, I don't necessarily imagine them hocking loogies at each other, but there they were, at more than one juncture in the match.

But it was also a match that included big kicks, finishers, and Havok going through a barricade. She went through a barricade so hard that it split in half. However she paid him back in full. Some would consider the finish "cheap." I thought she won through a combination of smarts and force. In a battle between scoundrels, the one who was the most devious would be the one to win. No mistake about it, Sami Callihan was a scoundrel. Havok did what she had to do, and it was glorious.

Overall Thoughts: Tournaments are fun in general, so my expectations were heightened from the first bell. The first round matches were all fun at the very least, but after intermission, they turned up the heat and put on one of the best halves of shows I've seen. When you add in the Havok/Callihan match into the mix with the semifinals and final, it's a wonder that the ice in the rink next door didn't melt.

Overall, I thought the show did as much to advance the art of intergender wrestling as well. Of course, there were several instances of coarse language, although to be fair, the women engaged in some shit talking themselves. However, the idea of agency came into play here, and it was a show where, if everyone turned into wire-frame automatons from the Super Smash Bros. series, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference except for that one spot in the first match where Cherry Bomb and then Neveah dick-flicked the male counterparts on either team.

While some in the crowd didn't get it, it wasn't for lack of trying. My guess is the jackass behind me who "had a twenty" for Sassy Stephie would have offered it no matter what the card makeup was (and Stephie was in the lone woman vs. woman, or in her case women vs. women, match). The fans have to change too. With promotions like WSU (and CZW, I know, I'm shocked too) leading the charge, the promotions are doing it right. And the best part? They're doing it with kick-ass shows like Queen and King of the Ring.