Thursday, December 19, 2013

Best Coast Bias: They Came To Sleigh

'Tis the season to be Foley claw claw claw claw claw claw claw claw claw
Photo Credit:
'Twas the week before Christmas, and on Ion TV
Was the final Main Event of 2013
It started off with an ex-Cactus dressed in red and white
Set to bring toys to the good boys and girls tonight

A reference point was searched for, but then I had to pause
As the chyron informed me it was straight up Foley Claus
But before a cheap pop he could elicit from his lips
Here came AxelBack to inform him he'd eaten too many chips

Suddenly, the Miz appeared singing mocking tunes
To put in their places these churlish goons
(Is he a face or heel?  It's hard to say
I suppose it depends on the situation, or even the day.)

So the main event was set up with this as a begin
Axel to be backed up by Ryback and Santa in corner Mizanin!
About the only thing that was truly scary
Was that it put A-Ry on commentary

But the main event happened and went off without a hitch
As back and forth on offense two former IC Champs would switch
Though I'm sure in some cases your core would get tickles
To find the most over man was jolly old St. Mickles!

Though Axel hit sweet neckbreakers and dropicked Mr. Must See
Not to mention throwing a lariat with the phylum enzui
He'd find that it was a woof ticket he sold
When he couldn't apply his dad's finishing hold

There went the hamstrings, and then the knee
All to set up a basement DDT
Not even a handful of tights could save Curtis now
Nor could the man who used to always have a deficit of chow

When the former Nexus member tried to stop the figure four
He'd be dropped by a Miz baseball slide all the way to the floor
The Big Guy would barely have pulled himself up from going south
Before he got a visit from Santa and Mandible Claused in his mouth!

And so this is the way Main Event ended the story
On the familiar ground of the good v. evil allegory
A Skull Crushing Finale, and a three count later
Foley stood proud in the ring, and Miz had temporarily silenced his haters

On a night where the ex-Chickbusters fell to blows
And Kaitlyn made her in-ring reappearance on WWE shows
Where the Sambo Voltron took down McMahal
It was the former WWE Champ who stood most tall

Whether going past 9k or tapping out former best friends
It brought the year in Main Event matches to a conclusive end
And I thought giddily to myself with another spike of the nog
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays right here on the Wrestling Blog!