Monday, December 30, 2013

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings, December 30

Photo via @RealLisaMarie
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Rachel Summerlyn (Last Week: 2) - This week, I found out she's got a movie credit with Ryan Gosling. RYAN GOSLING. Dreamy.

2. AJ Lee (Last Week: 1) - I don't remember much of RAW and didn't watch Smackdown, so I'm assuming she was still pretty awesome doing what she was doing. This week has been brutal.

3. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 4) - Bryan's year has been so great that even network producers are taking notice. After the Cowboys, led by a quarterback named Orton, failed to convert what would have been a game-tying two point conversion, the NBC producer dude played "The Final Countdown" as bumper music going to commercial. Coincidence? I THINK NOT.

4. Veda Scott (Last Week: Not Ranked) - The reason why I don't use male genitals to describe measures of bravery is because women can be just as imbued with intestinal fortitude. I'm not sure I would have attacked Gregory Iron with his goon squad standing by.

5. Michael Elgin (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Sure, his big highlight may have been winning the AIW Absolute Championship, but his 24/7 win may have been his best match ever.

6. Mark Henry (Last Week: 6) - Deep dish hoss.

7. Andrew Frey (Last Week: Not Ranked) - I wouldn't recommend jacking off in public or getting high on meth or resisting arrest, but when you combine all three and fight off 15 cops in the process? Gotta give my props.

8. Macaroni and Cheese (Last Week: Not Ranked) OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - Truth: This recipe tasted better the next day.

9. Jennifer Lawrence (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Jennifer Lawrence is not the female Ryan Gosling, by the way. Ryan Gosling is the male Jennifer Lawrence.

10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACT: She will ring in 2014 the same way she's rung in every New Year for the last 20 years - with champagne flavored gum and a swift kick to the person's face she deems to be the worst. This year, that face has been deemed to be Michael Cole's.