Monday, January 13, 2014

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings, January 13

Photo via Rumorfix
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Jennifer Lawrence (Last Week: 3) - Photobombing someone at the Golden Globes is cool regardless. However, Lawrence did the act to Taylor Swift. Not only is she taunting one of the easiest to make-fun-of celebrities on the planet, she did so knowing that Swift's legion of fans will attempt to tear her apart, and Swift herself might even write a diss track about it. But Lawrence gives zero fucks, people. ZERO.

2. AJ Lee (Last Week: 2) - I got hit STRAIGHT IN THE FEELS when I saw the end of her match with Kaitlyn on Main Event. Of course, Tamina Snuka tried to ruin the moment afterwards, but nothing could have broght it down. NOTHING.

3. Rachel Summerlyn (Last Week: 1) - David Otunga's new site launched, which, for those who remember, is like a second Christmas for wrestling's foremost fan of the lawyer-cum-wrestler. I'd like to think she celebrated with tacos. Why? Well, what else would you celebrate with in Austin?

4. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 4) - The possibilities for him in the Wyatt Family seem endless, but if he somehow convinces them to become swamp Vegans, he may just have to be disqualified from this list forever on the grounds of it being unfair for everyone else.

5. Mark Henry (Last Week: 7) - Mark Henry may have gotten mollywomped by Brock Lesnar, but he at least faced the Beast Incarnate head on instead of while he was in retreat. Big Show is such a jackal, man.

6. Coffee (Last Week: Not Ranked) OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - Joni Mitchell once sang "You know it always seems to go that you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone." That's my status with coffee right now. I haven't had a cup in over a week, and I am missing it so much.

7. Cam Netwon (Last Week: Not Ranked) - I don't know about you, but I think he took a few tips on selling from Shawn Michaels at SummerSlam '05 yesterday, didn't he?

8. Kenta Kobashi (Last Week: Not Ranked) - He's a man who no-sold cancer. He informed more about independent wrestling in America more than anyone except maybe Tiger Mask, Mitsuharu Misawa, and Dynamite Kid. He's a veritable icon in his home country to the point where he could be the prime minister some day with no one batting an eye. And yet, even he still cheeses like a goon taking a picture with the second-most prestigious World Champion (or most prestigious given your opinion of WWE) on this Earth. Kenta Kobashi is the man, and I'll fight anyone who says otherwise.

9. Emma Thompson (Last Week: Not Ranked) - How many fucks were given by her at the Golden Globes? ZERO.

10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACT: She gracefully declined a Golden Globe nomination for "Best Guest Spot in a Reality Television Show," but immediately regretted it after seeing how fabulous Emma Thompson was during the telecast.