Friday, February 21, 2014

Best Coast Bias: And Now The Magic Number Is One

I cropped out the border of rainbows my eyes put on this
Screen grab via of the Day=Made Tumblr

Best for business is an amorphous phrase coined by a multi-million dollar conglomerate for a reason; the fluidity inherent in the term allows it to be whatever it needs to be and can come partially or fully formed.

Fully formed, it looks like Sami Zayn and Antonio Cesaro. It doesn't matter if they're on the mic or in the ring, when diehards try to imagine a platonic ideal either man's C.V. individually or them against each other seems to be a more than justifiable answer. The latter brought a crutchless Sami down to the ring, hoping for another chance to get at Cesaro, and not knowing where the road would end would've been something that'd lean any well-thought person in Sami's corner out of empathy. A great band once asked whatever happened to last season's losers of the year, and in Zayn's case it was obsessing over losing the best of 3 falls MOTYC to Cesaro last summer. Antonio came out to helpfully explain he was driving himself cuckoo for children's cereal since the Swiss Superman was better all along, and further elucidated by saying "You will have a great career...down here."






Oh, who're we kiddding. It's Antonio Cesaro. Of course he did. Hell, Cesaro's so Cesaro right afterwards when Sami mentioned what a talent he was and how he was all over the main shows and didn't need to waste his time down Full Sail way but still came in, the crowd applauded for the former United States Champion twice. So Cesaro tried a different tack: trying to get Zayn to admit he was still injured, and when that didn't work, to make him swear a sort of verbal hold harmless for any injuries occured. Plucky babyface as ever, Sami was ready for the handshake and then the crowd got involved with a "pinky promise" chant. So Zayn immediately modified his offer down four fingers to a pop, and Cesaro's face...well, you see it there. But Cesaro mulled it over...then still decided he'd rather not and kicked the injured leg before throwing his mic and hitting the downed president of the El Generico Fan Club.

It was a master class in Cheneydom, and he would've gotten away with it, too--if it wasn't for that meddling Triple H. Even the rarefied air of the Performance Center turns Triple H into his own perfect post-wrestling ideal. More to the point, he sees what even Stevie Wonder could see in Cesaro/Zayn IV: straight cash, homey. And with that executive order, the card known now as ArRIVAL (cringe) has what almost certainly will turn out to be its best match and the sort of bar every other match Stamford puts on in 2014 will try to surpass. If there were only some sort of network you could watch this on!

But this wasn't merely a show that had one saving grace in a segment that could be taught in Wrestling 101, au contraire mon frere. (Did I throw that sentence in just because Aiden English outsmarted Colin Cassidy for his second Director's Cut-boosted victory in a row? I didn't originally think so...) It kicked off with an above-average trios match featuring Alicia Fox teaming up with the original BFFs against -- well, let's forget EmBayKat since it looks clunky and call Nattie, Emma and Bayley by their names. Most squee inducing for me and all fellow awesomely-minded people, the Young Regality ship was in Full Sail and love was in the air. Next time Renee Young in the opening minute of the program uses Regal's old opening flirt against him before mentioning she choo choo chooses him for Valentine's Day? Whatever the awesome version of a trigger alert is, that's what is needed in BCBville. The direct quote from the notes? [TEARS FORM IN MY EYES HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BREATHE WITH NO AIR?!]

Completely justified, and those who disagree should get their genitals mashed down into a fine powder as to keep them from breeding, much obliged. As for the match, there were two stories being told, one from the booth and one in the ring. The former was Alicia, last week's EmmaLock victim, was looking for an alliance with the Mean Girls, and said Plastics wanted absolutely no part of the NattieKat's claws. Once Bayley got in, despite a couple of big flurries and the last of the famous international playboys being so proud of her evolution from starstruck wholly to still getting it done betwixt the ropes, the devious trio had their way with Bay.

Yes, there was another Young Regality exchange that had me going for the fainting chair (note to awesome attractive women for 2015: ask men out for Valentine's Day and you, too, will get to do whatever you want for it) while Summer took schadenfreude in exponentium in finding ways to cheat while cutting Bayley off from saving herself. It even got a little spotlight on Alicia's Best Northern Lights on the Business while Regal mentioned she was his favorite Divas from a pure talent standpoint. But when Emma came in and times looked rough, they left Fox high, dry, and the latest episode of what should be the WWE Network's flagship program Emma Torques While She Makes Alicia Tap To The EmmaLock was in the books.

Throw in CJ Parker saying to hell with the fans since they said to hell with him and a special guest appearance from the Wyatt Family in the main event squash in a quickly sketched ceremonial bow with a MURDERDISCUSKILL lariat present brought by Luke Harper since they've never forgotten where they're from and NXT has and always will be their home, and the final place settings going into the last pre-Network show were all on the table.

Now it's just a matter of time of biting fingernails and waiting for the 27th.