|The Squad with their number one fan|
Photo Credit: Brandon Stroud
1. The Submission Squad (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Icarus led the charge, and Archibald Peck drove the DeLorean, but the fuse was lit by four guys who had every reason in the world to let Chikara die after the way the fans have treated them for nearly five years over one match. If that doesn't scream dedication, I don't know what is.
2. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 1) - The Seahawks won the Super Bowl because they're a great team who had one of the most dominant defenses in NFL history. They won 43-8, however, because they were playing for Daniel Bryan. FACT.
3. Rodizio-style Beef Rib (Last Week: Not Ranked) OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - Ain't no party like a churrascaria party, and the best cuts of beef are the fattiest ones. I broke my "clean eating" challenge for a day, and when I ate this at Chima, I swear, I saw God.
4. AJ Lee (Last Week: 5) - After seeing Nattie Neidhart drop some transphobic static on Tamina Snuka on WWE's C-D programming this past week, I know why Lee has such contempt for everyone else in her division.
5. Richard Sherman (Last Week: 4) - He got hurt, sure, but he was part of a swarming, ravenous, fictional-piranhas-skeletonizing-a-cow intense unit before his injury.
6. Jennifer Lawrence (Last Week: 9) - She's rumored to have gotten engaged in a secret manner, but that news is a false flag operation to distract her enlistment in the Space Marine Corps to study for her role as Samus Aran in a future Metroid feature length motion picture.
7. Mark Henry (Last Week: 6) - Mark Henry is taking the snowfall in Texas as an opportunity to build an army of snowmen to help him beat back Brock Lesnar and his horde of sentient Jimmy John's sandwiches... no, I've already said too much.
8. Molly Schuyler (Last Week: Not Ranked) - The military mom showed up to Wing Bowl, Philadelphia's ode to gluttony and misogyny, told the planners to shove their sexist parade floats and trappings up their asses, broke the Kobayashi record, and then held said planners up for money when they asked if she'd come back. Bad. Fucking. Ass.
9. Bruno Mars (Last Week: Not Ranked) - I was skeptical of his selection as Super Bowl halftime performer, even though I like his super-ubiquitous "Locked out of Heaven." Then he was lowered onto the stage doing a badass drum solo, and I was won over IMMEDIATELY.
10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACT: The fake-Tursas looking guy that Ares has with him now? del Rey took him out with her mind Saturday.