Monday, February 10, 2014

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings, February 10

My new favorite player, and he hasn't even been drafted yet
Photo via the Associated Press
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Michael Sam (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Last night, Sam, the 2013 SEC Defensive Player of the Year, publicly came out of the closet (he informed his team, the Missouri Tigers, before the season, and they went 12-2 this past year). If he makes a NFL team this upcoming season, he will be the first out-and-proud player in league history. For someone to do that BEFORE he earned his first contract is brave and outstanding. I hope he becomes the best defensive player in NFL history.

2. Alpha Female (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Honestly, she went easy on Jenny Rose by only throwing her through drywall. If they were in her native Germany, she'd have thrown her through a beer keg. If you don't think she could throw a human being through a steel keg, well, why don't you dare her to do it? Huh tough guy?

3. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 2) - When Bryan and Randy Orton have another one of their patented RAW television main events and he's only risen to the third spot on the list, you know some serious shit went down during this grading period.

4. AJ Lee (Last Week: 4) - So, when is WWE going to fire JBL and Jerry Lawler and hire her as the full-time RAW color commentator? She can pull a Kevin Steen and commentate her own matches when she gets the call to wrestle.

5. Mark Henry (Last Week: 7) - Henry will return to RAW TONIGHT. He's celebrating by splitting the wig of every joker who decides he or she wants to make a joke about him possibly impregnating guest host Betty White.

6. Russell Brand (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Brand gets a lot of hate for things that I may or may not agree he deserves, but the man's words after Philip Seymour Hoffman's death are worth reading.

7. Mickie Knuckles (Last Week: Not Ranked) - I still am in fear for Denver Colorado's (the man, not the place!) life after she threatened to skull fuck him Friday night. She doesn't seem like the kind of person who wouldn't follow up on a threat like that.

8. Paesano's Paesano Sandwich (Last Week: Not Ranked) OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - I had one of these sandwiches this past week and I'm pretty sure I died and went to heaven for a minute because my vision went all plaid and I saw a Jimi Hendrix guitar solo. I saw it, man. SAW IT. Didn't hear it. SAW IT.

9. Roy Hibbert (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Hibbert is one of the best defensive players in the NBA, but if he ever decided to switch careers to something he'd be better at than playing basketball, I think him going into WWE would be one of those few jobs that would fit the bill.

10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACT: Her 2014 goal is to turn Betty White into the best WWE wrestler on the roster. No one told her that White only coming in for a guest spot and isn't going to NXT, but that won't stop her one bit.