Monday, February 17, 2014

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings, February 17

I said yes too
Photo via WWE Shop
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Ellen Page (Last Week: Not Ranked) - When I'm ruler of the world, anyone who made or continues to make "Who didn't see THAT coming?" comments in regards to her coming out will be euthanized or at least sterilized.

2. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 3) - Daniel Bryan has a posse.

3. AJ Lee (Last Week: 4) - Naomi posed a threat to her Divas Championship, so what did Lee do? She had her taken out. The true mark of a great powerful person.

4. Half-Price Chocolate (Last Week: Not Ranked) OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED RANKING - The best chocolate is the stuff you get from a loved one on Valentine's Day, but the shit you get for real cheap starting the day after is a bonanza for single and spoken-for types alike.

5. Kimber Lee (Last Week: Not Ranked) - She not only laid out an open challenge, but she won over Chuck Taylor with an armbar. Dirt sheets are reporting it was a rib on Chris Jericho. I think.

6. Mark Henry (Last Week: 5) - Did you see the "HOLY SHIT" look on Dean Ambrose's face when Henry was announced as his opponent?

7. Michael Sam (Last Week: 1) - Anyone who inspires a group of people to turn back professional trolls the Westboro Baptist Church is fine by me.

8. Taco Bell (Last Week: Not Ranked) - The company is creating an app that will let people order by smartphone. STONERS OF THE WORLD SHALL REJOICE.

9. TJ Oshie (Last Week: Not Ranked) - I'm not saying his shootout goal lifted America to a win bigger than the Miracle on Ice, but stuffing it to the goddamn Russkies on their home ice? GOLDEN.

10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACT: Sara del Rey still received a Valentine from Jakob Hammermeier in each of the last three years in an attempt to smooth over that whole unceremonious-boot-from-the-BDK thing. She's considering sending one back next year.