Saturday, March 22, 2014

Best Coast Bias: The Weird, Wild World Of Sports Entertainment

Just another example of what can happen When Singalongs Go Wrong
Photo Credit:

Sometimes things are easily synthesizable.

This episode of NXT repels that like other human beings repel the BFFs.

It started off with Rob Gronkowski, ended with a kid Sheamus, and the most endearingly horrible dance party happened in the middle, amongst other things.

When in doubt, ties go to the main event, and Sheamus bested Aiden English in it.  One could do an entire standup roast on the pigmentally challenged two segger that erupted, but as we all know, hyperwhite people can't control their environments and have to assault everybody with their music before degenerating into fighting each other rather than helping each other climb the ladder of success.  You know how those people are, and by those people of course wrestlers is the group meant to be highlighted.  Who knows why your dog is going nuts?  Maybe you should get it checked.

Things went from jovial to fisticuffs rather quickly.  Mr. English didn't take to well to Mr. Whatever His Last Name Is trying to jock his style by singing for the NXT constellation, and then jumped him from behind and sent him sprawling betwixt the ropes to the floor.  Sheamus' look quickly coalesced into the trending topic hashtag tee emm eff are haitch and then he stopped trying to be something he wasn't and snapped back to something he was: somebody likely to land the hardest body blow you've ever heard in three decades as a wrestling fan and dealing with problems by punching them square in the face.  As a result English spent most of the early portion fleeing and most importantly avoiding the signature bike kick of the former WWE Champeen.  When he started using the ring as a partner he found a modicum of success, but unfortunately for the Artiste he found himself in a English-on-Irish violence handicap match.  Sheamus' familiar friend Brogue O'Clock showed up right around the top of the hour, delivering another W and delighting the small Sheamalike.    Yes, it probably did hurt the audience's eyes when the show faded to black considering the last two segments.  Let's move on.

Giving the narrow duke to the blizzard that capped the show just narrowly kept a losing effort from Sasha Banks being the match of the night in consecutive weeks.  To her credit, Bayley overcame something she might've -- hell, probably -- would've lost to in her rookie year and pinned the Boss off of a rollup reversal mid-ring.  [Side note: sweet nickname, Banks, but until you win, you should be the Middle Manager.  Perhaps the Lumbergh if this spiral continues.]  Before that?  The force of their personalities carried a hot crowd early, with the esteemed firm of Regal, Phillips and Saxton noting Bay's popularity rivaled that of Emma's or Paige's.  More than the 100 Hand Slap to the back in the corner, or a Banks dropkick catching the Californian in the kidneys after she'd worked it was the mocking of Sasha by Bayley where she proved that the Bostonian was deficient in a pair of categories: she didn't know her and she wasn't 'bout her life.  Sasha's audible off-mic AW HELL NAW was more pitch-perfect character goodness, and completely justified her almost as good putting on a headband and being friendly...well, as friendly as one can be while standing on their hand before stomping it. 

CJ Parker could pout to Devin Taylor all he wanted about the hot garbage that Mojo Rawley puts into his body or him throwing the same out the window after disposing of his cheeseburgers, but the former footballer was on point in an opening win over Bull Dempsey.  On hand in the Mojo cheering section was the aforementioned Gronk, who tragically didn't bring along Bibi Jones but got to witness Hyperdrive firsthand and seemed more than willing to help the newcomer celebrate his victory when he brought his energy to the stands and his people. 

He's on the kind of roll Adam Rose is embarking on, even if his sheer odd manliness is the first iceberg that could keep the Young Regality ship from Full Sailing.   Speaking on behalf of the Internet, if anything stops Willee from becoming the greatest WWE couple that never was the responsible party will be strapped down and forced to watch the entirety of the Erik Watts career compendium until they do the right thing and unmake themselves.  Fortunately for the one-man Mardi Gras, he was against Camacho and the latter was fool enough to make him angry down to mocking his prancing.  ONLY ADAM ROSE MAY PRANCE, SIR!  The crowd nearly has turned their rallying cry into singing Rose's song back at him, which should work once WWENXT nails down a specific version and decides whether the buzzword should be hey or Rose. 

Also, a special YOU ARE A BAD PERSON WHO SHOULD FEEL BAD goes to Corey Graves, who's running Sami Zayn into the post deprived us of a Zayn/T Beezie matchup.  What is it about the grandest entrance in NXT that makes everything grind to a halt since the Network began?  News flash: don't exactly need more reasons to hate Corey Graves.  His breathing air that Harold Ramis isn't will suffice.

So we dance on into next week, knowing we've only learned one thing this one -- Byron Saxton is Uncle Tom Dubois from the Boondocks.

...told you it was a weird week.