Monday, March 3, 2014

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings, March 3

Photo Credit: TH

Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 2) - The intestinal fortitude on Bryan is off the charts. Challenging Triple H to a match at WrestleMania? The man whose wife made Chris Jericho pick up dog poop, pulled out Booker T's mugshot, invaded Randy Orton's home, and beat up Sheamus with a lead pipe as part of his Mania mythos? Anyone with that much bravery deserves the top slot.

2. Cate Blanchett (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Her speech at the Oscars was spot on. Maybe Vince McMahon ought to listen to her when she says leading ladies can draw bank.

3. AJ Lee (Last Week: 3) - So your bodyguard fucks up and kicks you in the jaw at the pay-per-view and you gotta give the challenger a rematch the next night on RAW? Pfft, no challenge for AJ Lee.

4. Tacos Bistec (Last Week: Not Ranked) OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - Oh man. Oh man. Oh man. Oh man. So good. SO GOOD. Every day should be Taco Day.

5. Jennifer Lawrence (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Even tripping on the red carpet, my lady looks fly as hell.

6. Mark Henry (Last Week: 5) - Another awards show, another snub for Mark Henry's epic performance on RAW last year. WHEN WILL THESE SNOOTY JERKS LEARN? HOW MANY WIGS WILL MARK HENRY HAVE TO SPLIT?

7. Davey Vega (Last Week: 7) - I heard he did things to Roderick Strong on Saturday. Bad things. Really bad things.

8. Allen Iverson (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Iverson came to Philadelphia in the late '90s and made basketball exciting again. He electrified the fanbase and made the old guard uncomfortable as shit. No one could score like he could, and even with that electric talent, the stodgy sports talk goons still wanted him to change his game. Philly didn't deserve him but those who appreciated him deserved every bit of him and more. His number was retired Saturday by the 76ers, and no other number deserved to be put out of circulation more than his.

9. Australian Snake (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Remind me never to go to Australia, by the by.

10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACT: Her Oscar parties are always the best because she has five different kinds of fondue and a life-size cardboard cutout of Aja Kong. The cutout is for good luck. Good luck for what? She hasn't said.