Monday, March 17, 2014

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings, March 17

A man of the people
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Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 4) - Bryan did the near-impossible last week. He made Occupy Wall Street-type people look... LIKEABLE?

2. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - She's gotten a reprieve from her eternal 10 spot because the Dot Com actually acknowledged that she exists within the company. I'm not one to demand she be on television if she's happy in her role. However, if she gets on TV, she has to wrestle John Cena and koppo kick him right in the face, right? RIGHT? YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT.


4. AJ Lee (Last Week: 3) - How much longer does she have to be the Divas Champion AND the best announcer WWE has in its ranks before she gets something more than a milquetoast run with her title?

5. Adam Rose (Last Week: 1) - People comment that Rose is based off Russel Brand's Aldous Snow character from Forgetting Sarah Marshall and Get Him to the Greek, but in all actuality, the filmmakers and Brand based that character off Rose. I heard time is a flat circle somewhere, so it must be true.

6. Gabrielle Cirulli (Last Week: Not Ranked) - I almost cursed her name to the depths of fiery Hell for creating The 2048 Game but she found a way to soak up all my time like a sponge. Well-played, madam.

7. Kristen Bell (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Speaking of FSM alumnae, Bell's Veronica Mars movie took the entertainment world by storm. I never got into the series, but if a fan-funded movie like that can do that kind of damage, the future of entertainment is bright.

8. Malcolm David Kelley (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Apparently, he was mistaken for Greg Oden when he appeared at the LOST panel at PaleyFest, but the former show actor and the second most famous television Walt of the last ten years has grown up. Those Tyson Anytizers really pack on the body mass.

9. Biff Busick (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Dude's been wrestling on a knee with the consistency of cole slaw the last couple of weeks. Then again, Rey Mysterio's soldiered on with papier mache for knees the last decade, so maybe joint damage isn't the deal killer it once was.

10. Mark Henry (Last Week: 8) - MARK HENRY FACT: The Southern California earthquake this morning wasn't due to the San Andreas fault, but because Mark Henry gave the World's Strongest Slam to an entire In 'n Out restaurant because they wouldn't give him an Animal Style burger at 6:30 AM.