Monday, March 24, 2014

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings, March 24

Photo Credit: Marc Normandin
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Championship Melt (Last Week: Not Ranked) OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED RANKING - Check the pic taken by SB Nation bro and Beyond Wrestling fan Marc Normandin and see where Championship Melt is taking the grilled cheese game. I think I need to get my ass up to Providence for a show just to eat some grilled cheese.

2. Gabrielle Cirulli (Last Week: 6) - Her 2048 game has taken off yuuuuuge to the point where people have started to escalate, one person even to a number that I'm not even sure is an exponent of 2. One person even made a Doge version. Very numbers. Much exponent. Oh yeah, I beat the original one.

3. AJ Lee (Last Week: 4) - I hope WWE is paying Lee two paychecks, one for being a wrestler and another for being the best regular announcer it has. Then again, maybe that's why Lee's been booked sparsely lately. Labor cheats, the whole lot of 'em in Titan Towers.

4. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 1) - Triple H laid a hell of a beating on Bryan Monday. Too bad for him Bryan used BIDE before the beatdown.

5. Kristen Bell (Last Week: 7) - I saw Frozen twice this weekend (yay having a toddler around the house), and she did good voice work, but she gets even more points for pissing off the Fox News crowd. Didn't know Veronica Mars was in the "No war but class war" sect, but I'm glad she is.

6. Mark Henry (Last Week: 10) - Mark Henry is rumored to have his own sandwich at Championship Melt on the way, but the planning has hit a snag. As it turns out, the boys in the food truck have found it hard to put an ENTIRE cow in a grilled cheese sandwich.

7. Cleanthony Early (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Sure, Wichita State lost, but my theory is that this universe is actually a splintered, dystopian reality that was the product of this dunk. In the real timeline, Early led the Shockers to a dominant win, and corgis immediately converged upon Crimea and drove Russia from the peninsula.

8. Adam Rose (Last Week: 5) - They changed his theme song. They changed his theme song? WHAT? RIOT!!

9. Allysin Kay (Last Week: Not Ranked) - The greater Detroit area had an epidemic of severed hands last Monday. I wonder why...

10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 2) - SARA DEL REY FACT: She celebrated last week's Dot Com story by cracking open a can of Nuts and Gum. Did you know they were together at last?