Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Best Coast Bias: Riding The Coaster

Pictured is the rare HOSS DISGRUNTLEMENT
Photo Credit:
It's the Main Event before the biggest Network Special since WrestleMania XXX, where the main event was an interview and the more interesting things that stand to affect the narrative happened for real in the subsequent Smackdown tapings.  If you were hoping this was full of MOTY candidates and no recaps, I'm afraid just like the injury report that I've got some Bad News.  Hell, one of the matches wasn't even a match, as Fandango fell victim to girl troubles and walked into a BoDog as a result.  However, with Roman dispatching of Kane with a clothesline after a Triple H special guest appearance on the Tron, we might as well get to the two matches that constituted the meat of the show.

It started off as An Inspirational Moment with Dolph Ziggler.  (Obviously, this was just subtle foreshadowing of the Inspirational Boment that would come later in the show.)  If you just wandered in - and since this is pro graps, there's always new footprints inside the tents - there was no person better than the Showoff to get over the importance of the MITB contendership match.  It was hokey, to be sure; he literally was climbing the ladder to deliver his speech before pausing within reaching range of the object of desire.  Yet it all seemed heartfelt and genuine as he loaded the Somewhat Wayback to the previous two years of briefcase obtainment and the cash-in that vaulted him into the World Heavyweight Championship the night after last year's WrestleMania.  After all, if you could relive the best moment of your life, why the hell wouldn't you?

Not the best moment of his life would ensue, as he teamed with Kofi Kingston and Rob Van Dam against Seth Rollins, Jack Swagger and a pre-injured Bad News Barrett.  Like an episode of Jeopardy, you know the answer to this match was going to be the Curb Stomp; the question was "Who'd be victimized by it?"  Everybody who guessed Kofi Kingston, congratulations on your pulse.  Almost literally it seemed like he was collapsing under the weight of his first offense since the winter and SPLUT he went.  There were some post-match shenanigans with Barrett clearing the ring of both face and heel with and without a ladder BECAUSE THERE ARE NO FRIENDS IN A MONEY IN THE BANK MATCH BULLHAMMAH THIS SUNDAY MAGGLE and so forth.  Trust me, if you're such an addict you're watching Main Event, you know this trope better than you know 98.9% of your family.

RyBaxel beat Certainly Not Truth and Consequences to set up a match against the Dust Brothers on Sunday.  The Big Guy's "painted up hermaphrodites" slur post-match would've been better off not said but of course it would've gotten a more virulent reaction if he didn't look like the third Lout brother suddenly given a pulse and a tag partner.  What're you going to do besides point out the problematic, why it is, and move on?  Truth be told that throwaway one-liner gave more to mine than the segment of Perfectly Cromulent Wrestling that preceded it.

Yeah, it was that kind of show.  If for whatever daft reason you wanted to look it up, check under "Skippable", modifier "Eminently".