Monday, June 16, 2014

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings, June 16

WHY WOULD YOU PISS OFF A MAN WHO LEGITIMATELY PULLED A SEMI WITH NOTHING BUT HIS HOSS ESSENCE, CURT HAWKINS?
Screen Grab via WWE.com
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Mark Henry (Last Week: 5) - He knows where Curt Hawkins lives and expects an apology. When Mark Henry expects an apology, you best better give it to him.

2. Paige (Last Week: 1) - I totally am on board for a Paige/Bayley bromance, to be honest. For the record, Emma will be too busy doing her dance in the corner to participate in said bromance. But the question remains, would this bromance be able to pass Jessicka Havok and Rachel Summerlyn in terms of totes adorbs?

3. Sweet Lucy's Mac 'n Cheese (Last Week: Not Ranked) OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - Sweet Lucy's boasts the best barbecue in Philly, hands down, but the smoked meats are only the first part. You want pulled pork or brisket or even chicken? Cool, yo, but you're fuckin' up if you don't get this creamy, melty, savory side.

4. Alicia Fox (Last Week: 4) - Sure, she may have spent the last week destroying her alliance with Aksana, but on the inside, she was pouring out all the forties when her former boo got released.

5. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 9) - This week on AS THE GOAT TURNS, last week's doctor is revealed to be a quack, Brie Bella reveals she's been taking Nikki's dates all this time, and Ned Stark returns from the dead just to be killed again by a Triple H sledgehammer shot.

6. Alpha Female (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Rumor has it Germany whupped Portugal bad today because they were afraid of letting Alpha Female down. The final tally was a 4-0 victory, but apparently, she was so confident in victory that she gave Shanna a point spread of 5 in their bet. If the Germans are too injured to continue, you know why.

7. Robin van Persie (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Two goals in Netherlands' immolation of defending Champions Spain? I think that means RVP now has the deeds to the cities of Badalona, Seville, and half of Madrid.

8. Arya Stark (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Arya Stark, TROLL GAWD.

9. Willie Mack (Last Week: Not Ranked) - He won the Red Carpet Rumble this past weekend by giving a Chocolate Thunder Bomb to Jonah Hill on the premiere of 22 Jump Street. Championship Wrestling from Hollywood takes things quite literally.

10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACT: She tried to organize a Queen of Trios tournament in NXT until she found out that she couldn't fly in half the Pro Wrestling WAVE roster to fill out the bracket.