Monday, June 23, 2014

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings, June 23

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Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Paige (Last Week: 2) - She hit Cameron so hard last week on RAW that she broke up the Funkadactyls! Okay, maybe not yet, but it's coming!

2. Alicia Fox (Last Week: 4) - Seriously, she beat Nikki Bella with a shoe. A SHOE. Okay, it was a wrestling boot, but still.

3. Cedric Alexander (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Alexander not only was announced to be on the Pro Wrestling Guerrilla Battle of Los Angeles Tournament, but he made a play to get the Ziggler/Rollins Scale named after him.

4. Fractured Prune Skylar (Last Week: Not Ranked) OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - I was down the Jersey Shore the whole weekend, so I had to get to the Fractured Prune to get the bacon-chocolate donut. YES it was superb.

5. Vickie Guerrero (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Don't be fooled; she orchestrated that whole thing last week. Only a true trooper would allow herself to be puked upon for the good of the plot.

6. Mark Henry (Last Week: 1) - I assume he got to Curt Hawkins, because the man had to change his name to avoid Henry. Or was it because of copyright? Eh, I'll believe the former.

7. The Fudgy Wudgy Man (Last Week: Not Ranked) - First, his name is the Fudgy Wudgy Man. Second, he walks up and down the beach selling ice cream. HE'S A TRUE HERO!

8. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 5) - Bryan's spent his time tending to his kale garden now that he's injured. OR not. I don't know anymore.

9. Clint Dempsey (Last Week: Not Ranked) - He scored a goal with his dick Sunday. No, that statement is not euphemism. He hit a soccer ball with his groin area and put it past the Portuguese goalie. HOW WAS THAT SHOT NOT WORTH TWO GOALS? INVESTIGATE FIFA.

10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACT: Lana del Rey's album Ultraviolence was a tribute to the wrestler, mainly because she was tired of people comparing her unfavorably.