Monday, June 30, 2014

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings, June 30

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Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Vickie Guerrero (Last Week: 5) - Sure, she may have been fired, but she went out guns blazing. Sure, she had to take a bath in the pudding-that-the-audience-was-supposed-to-think-was-shit, but Stephanie McMahon needed THREE minions to put her there. Guerrero got her revenge and shimmied out of the company.

2. Paige (Last Week: 1) - She not only retained her WWE Divas Championship, she did so surviving Naomi's posterior to her face. Getting hit with dat ass is like taking a Yokozuna leg drop, an American Balloon moonsault, or a Bronco Buster from Shelton Benjamin and surviving. Plus, THE STUMP PULLLLLAAAAAHHHHHHHH...

3. Veda Scott (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Normally, I'm not for excessive abuse of the physically impaired, but to be fair, Greg Iron had it coming.

4. Cedric Alexander (Last Week: 3) - He not only survived getting backdropped onto the apron last week, but he came back from it to best Vordell Walker in MORTAL KOMBAT... okay, maybe it wasn't mortal, and the nature of the battle was more combat than kombat, but still, impressive.

5. Mark Henry (Last Week: 6) - Word was that Henry was banned from the arena last night because he was wearing his lucky salmon suit and was threatening to retire like he did before Money in the Bank last year. To be fair, most people in WWE have short term memory worse than goldfish, so it totally would've worked again.

6. Su Yung (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Yung is this year's ACW Queen of Queens, and all she had to do was defeat MALEFICENT to get the crown. Her final opponent is the second most difficult runner-up in Queen of Queens history, because Jessicka Havok is still way scarier than any evil faerie.

7. Alicia Fox (Last Week: 2) - Theory: Foxy was working to sabotage McMahon in her plot to humiliate Guerrero, and she was crazy enough to take a dip in faux-shit to do it.

8. Fried Chicken Skin (Last Week: Not Ranked) OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - RADICAL THEORY: It's better than bacon.

9. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 8) - I'm willing to forgive Bryan for him calling Bo Dallas "BO-ner" if he's transferring his TNA name Lloyd Boner to him.

10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACT: She chided Naomi after the match last night for not singing "Row Row Row Your Boat" when she had Paige in the rowboat stretch, y'know, like she taught her.