Monday, July 14, 2014

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings, July 14

Besties (in the World) this week, ABSOLUTE ENEMIES next?
Photo Credit:
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Paige (Last Week: 4) - Despite losing her title to AJ Lee the week before, Paige showed excellent sportsmanship and buried the hatchet to take on the Funkadactyls on RAW last week. Basically though, Paige was in a win/win situation anyway. If she had flipped out, she'd have taken everything that her mom taught her, and hey, she'd have won this spot anyway. What can I say, I'm biased.

2. AJ Lee (Last Week: 2) - Of course, if Paige had flipped the fuck out on her, I'm not sure Lee would have taken it like a rookie level Veda Scott did from Mama Knight. The ensuing chaos might have destroyed Montreal. Maybe it was for the best that they called a truce.

3. Mario Götze (Last Week: Not Ranked) - He scored the only goal in Germany's World Cup clinching match against Argentina on Sunday, inspiring both national pride in Deutschland but a cringeworthy meme about his last name!

4. Pizza (Last Week: Not Ranked) OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - Pizza always. Pizza forever.

5. Haku (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Really, the real reason why Germany won? Argentina was scared shitless of getting Tongan Death Gripped into eternity, one by one.

6. Mark Henry (Last Week: 9) - I honestly think this movie would've been WAY better than the original version of it, don't you think?

7. Tatiana Maslany (Last Week: Not Ranked) - I hear the only reason she was snubbed for her work in Orphan Black was because they couldn't decide which clone she'd be nominated for, and it wouldn't be fair to everyone else.

8. Lana (Last Week: Not Ranked) - She visited the Wildwood Boardwalk with Alexander Rusev after the WWE house show there. The only drawback is that she was there a whole week before I'd be in the area. My chance to get a live verbal berating from Lana has gone out the window, sadly.

9. George RR Martin (Last Week: Not Ranked) - His reaction to people questioning whether he'd get A Song of Ice and Fire finished before he died? A hearty FUCK YOU! I'd like to imagine he spent the next five hours killing off every awesome character left, but then I realized he'd kill every character left that I'd like, and I got really sad.

10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACTS: She was in Brazil ready to koppo kick Vladimir Putin AND Sepp Blatter in one shot, but she was delayed by rare acai berry chewing gum.