Monday, July 21, 2014

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings, July 21

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Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Dean Ambrose (Last Week: Not Ranked) - SURPRISE AMBROSE was everywhere last night. The viewing audience only saw three instances, but he was all over Battleground last night. Triple H opened his briefcase to look longingly at photos of his sledgehammer? SURPRISE AMBROSE! Ryback tried to take the last piece of chicken parm at craft services? SURPRISE AMBROSE! Thirsty Tumblr users leering at Renee Young? SURPRISE AMBROSE!

2. AJ Lee (Last Week: 2) - Honestly, all the proof anyone needs at Lee's toughness despite her size is how much of a rocket she comes off as when she delivers the shining wizard. I don't care how big you are, that knee gone knock you the fuck out.

3. Maui Hot Dogs (Last Week: Not Ranked) OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - Not only are the hot dogs there fabulous, but it has a dish called "salty balls." I did not try said balls, although it was only because only six come per order, and three other people were dining with me there, including my toddler son, who'd rather have eaten french fries.

4. Paige (Last Week: 1) - Did you see her polite clap after Lee escaped her collar and elbow tie up last night? I just love the sportsmanship.

5. Shinsuke Nakamura (Last Week: Not Ranked) - What should you do when some idiot is blathering on about how cool he is? Just what the swaggiest motherfucker in wrestling did to Karl Anderson at the G1 Climax press conference.

6. Mark Henry (Last Week: 6) - Henry hung out with Spurs player Danny Green the other day. The Spurs tried to sign Henry, but the NBA blocked it, saying that it would be too unfair to the rest of the league.

7. Sasha Banks (Last Week: Not Ranked) - She doesn't get enough credit for not only being the second best wrestler in NXT (after Sami Zayn, of course), but for also rocking the huge ass gold chains and Kanye glasses. Plus that lungblower-crossface combo she busted out on Lexi Bliss was gawgeous.

8. Abby Wambach (Last Week: Not Ranked) - She may not have been notably in the news this week, but since the men's World Cup is over, it's now time to pay attention to the women's variant that's starting next year in Canada. The USWNT is perhaps the best team in the world, and Wambach is a HUGE reason for that. Get to know her, folks, cuz she's gonna be a big part of the team if the US wins next year.

9. Mario Götze (Last Week: 3) - He gets bonus points this week because it takes a real bold human being not even to attempt to hide your sexual arousal. Flaunt that boner, bro.

10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACTS: She's taken to training the men now, and she beamed with pride when Chris Jericho actually used one of her moves, the roll-up into the bottom turnbuckle, in a match. How quickly the men learn.