Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Best Coast Bias: The Fastest Hour In Sports Entertainment

100 problems
Photo Credit: WWE.com
What a feel-good episode of the summer.  It was like an overstuffed sandwich made with love and just enough spicy mustard: every Champion (or Champions, in the case of the endless Ascension) got moments to shine, the slow deterioration of Nattie and what's-his-face's marriage contained apace, and there was even timely humor on something produced by the WWE -- to say nothing of the Powerpuff Girls reference.

But let's start with the further breakdown of the Hart Dynasty, since that headlined the show proper.  Perhaps Tyson Kidd's problem this time around was that he challenged Adam Rose on NXT instead of RAW; as usual with Full Sail products, the NXT audience's least favorite chicken found himself falling victim to one of the all time classic blunders.  Truly, only behind the Attitude Adjustment on the Devastating WWE Finishers top 10 Countdown show on the Network for whatever they're charging is the LOL ROLLUP OFF OF A DISTRACTION.  However, Chekov's lollipop was in play, and you know what they say: if your wife's sucking another man's lollipop in front of you and the world, you've lost before you've even begun.  [Side Note: ay Nattie sup gurl]

Obviously distracted by the usual Roseian shenanigans and his wife non-verbally singing How Many Licks it took Kidd until the tail end of the match to start putting together a sustainable offensive, but it failed to contain any signatures let alone finishers; the small package out of nowhere was almost a mercy killing.  It's a shame Leo Kruger died on the way to his home planet - something says he probably would've really enjoyed this. Most notably, the crowd went from chanting "Nattie's Husband" to "Nattie's Better," and if they wanted to put in a breaking point for Kidd considering the two title match losses and the tapout to Sami Zayn didn't do it, that could certainly spur it.

As for the Champions?  Well, Charlotte's gone Full Beyonce in the wake of the BFF implosion and as certain site bosses have noted she's been moving forward in her career path by miles at a clip.  She and Becky Lynch had the probable match of the show as a new-theme-and-entrance-having Becky came out and was in a now by her short NXT career now usual stellar match, but for a borderline rookie Charlotte was not that far behind.  Becky showed off her agility as well as catch-as-catch-can style to stymie the Women's Champion early, only for Charlotte to seize an opening and work over the leg for the rest of the match.  As to where she could've learned that from, your guess is as good as anybody else's.  Charlotte relatively cruised once she got in control and then used that leg work to make Lynch Bow Down, as is becoming her template.  Firstly, there need to be more Lynch/Charlotte matches - both women were great here, and when your immediate reaction to a match is YES MOAR PLZ there's a vein that can be tapped.  Secondly, if Charlotte had built up any good will with her clean win, she immediately frittered it away in the back when she told a wide-eyed dreaming high pie in the sky Bayley that her little tag win over her was -3 on the less than zero scale and if she knew what was best for her she'd keep the Champion's name out of her mouth.  Again, where she learned to be a talented heel who gets high on their own supply and could easily be cheerable except they're so damnably smug about the enterprise...who can say?

In a completely unrelated note Tyler Breeze kicked off the show and Angelo Dawkins in the mouth with the Beauty Shot in a matter of seconds.  That wasn't what mattered in the big picture.  What mattered is that after sourly accepting the audience's cheers and Thank You Tyler chants for putting his music video up for a documentary Oscar nomination was that the NXT Champion came out and accused of him of having the limbertail when it came to putting up his #1 contendership and maybe he should just lose to him like everybody else has this year and get it over with.  Breeze went with the easy but still hilarious "the director of the Hobbit called and you're needed back on set" only to get absolutely baptized by Neville's return-fire "o rly I just got a snapchat from YOUR MOM and it turns out you're not the only Breeze who likes to send selfies".  By the time certain corners had got done yelling OH SHIT YOU GOT SONNNNNNNNNNED the skirmish was over with Breeze in retreat having narrowly avoided Neville ruining his face with a basement dropkick, but still.  It's 2014, and if you want to start a rumble in the social medially savvy streets insinuating you've got a file on your smartphone called yourmomma.gif is probably all of the top 5 ways to do it.

And while the Ascension polished off two more random schlubs in the longest Championship reign in NXT history and Konnor made damn sure every NXT viewer with a heart wanted to buy a Total AnniYahlation shirt, a tag team contendership tournment'll kick off on next week's show, and possible winners are -- Mojo Rawley and Eddie Princeton Bull Dempsey?  Well, the MojoBull debuted and won against Scott Dawson's new team with Mac Miles (Ed. Note: pourin' a forty out for my bro), the Mechanics (a) ouch on the inside baseball reference of your team before you go do just that and b) WOOKIT AT THE CUTIE BOO BABY ARNS QUICK TAGGING AND WORKING OVER THE ARM). Here's why in a short-term vaccuum the Last of a Hyped Up Breed works: every adult has worked with a shithead coworker at some point in their existence.  Why work with horrible people?  Because you need the work and promotions lead to more money.  Why is Dempsey tagging with a man who clearly annoys him as he does most?  Because he wants to be a Champion, which leads to more prestige, spotlight, and yes, money.  In addition, NXT isn't overrun with Lookit The Wacky Tag Partners teams and hasn't used that crutch much as certain big brothers of theirs, and when they fail in this tournament to win the belts (assuming) they can always go straight into a feud because that Bull didn't turn heel, that Bull turned Bull.  As long as there's a couple of shots a week where Rawley's running around like a four-year-old who just snorted Fun Dip and talking highspeed while Dempsey gives him the quintessential "yeah man whatever" look, a grudging thumbs up to Wrecking Hype.

That's the cousin of the emphatic two thumbs all the way up this show earned from character work to matches this episode, by the way.