Monday, August 4, 2014

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings, August 4

Bryan is healing! HOORAY!
Photo Credit:
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 1) - As fate has turned out, Bryan will not have to have a second surgery and may be back by the time the Royal Rumble rolls around. SUCCESS.

2. Paige (Last Week: 9) - I know Smackdown is usually as appealing to watch as C-SPAN, but man, Paige tossing AJ Lee off the stage and laughing hysterically is peak passive aggression. Well done.

3. Batista (Last Week: Not Ranked) - In one weekend, Batista became a bigger movie star than any ex-or-current wrestler than The Rock. WHO'S LAUGHING NOW, PITTSBURGH ROYAL RUMBLE CROWD?

4. AJ Lee (Last Week: 8) - Sure, she faceplanted off that stage, but it was after she tapped Rosa Mendes out in milliseconds. Always look for the silver linings, folks.

5. Kid Cyclone (Last Week: Not Ranked) - He may have just debuted in the Chikaraverse this past weekend, but his troll game's been honed before ever stepping into the ring.

6. Mark Henry (Last Week: 6) - Charlie Strong is going to replace everyone he kicked off the team with Mark Henry. If the NCAA asks any questions, Henry will just give the entire organization the World's Strongest Slam.

7. Chiles Rellenos (Last Week: Not Ranked) OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - Specifically, the ones from Las Margaritas in Northeast Philadelphia are on fucking point. The cheese the restaurant uses melts when it gets fried, so when I cut into it, the innards ooze out. It's fantastic.

8. Dean Ambrose (Last Week: 7) - Ambrose has been named the Titty Master General of the United States this past weekend. Okay, I made that up, but you would have believed me if I didn't say anything.

9. Keke Palmer (Last Week: Not Ranked) - She became the first Black Cinderella on Broadway this past week, which is huge for her career, for the advancement of POC actors, and for the annoyance of racists everywhere.

10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACT: The ebola virus tried infecting her, but she repelled it with a koppo kick.