Monday, August 11, 2014

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings, August 11

Newark, DE's team won't insult girl baseball players anymore
Photo Credit: Michael Bryant/
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Mo'Ne Davis (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Not only are the Taney Dragons going to represent Philadelphia in the Little League World Series, but they're going to do it with this spitfire, dirty cheese-hurling 13-year old as their ace. Oh did I mention she's a girl? Maybe y'all will think twice by saying someone "throws like a girl" as an insult.

2. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 1) - Doctors told him he couldn't continue to fight crime while his neck was recuperating, so he took a page out of Bruce Wayne's playbook from Kingdom Come and now has his Beard Bots patrolling the Phoenix area, looking for any wrongdoers in action.

3. Philadelphia Soft Pretzel Factory (Last Week: Not Ranked) OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - I'm sure something out there is better than getting a hot, soft pretzel fresh out of the oven. I'm not sure I care to find out, however.

4. Paige (Last Week: 2) - According to the Friendship Is Magic report, the Paige/Nattie Neidhart match was not seen in Canada, mainly because it was a stark reminder of the brutal grip The Crown used to exert on the fair land to the north.

5. Mark Henry (Last Week: 6) - Guys, @HorbFlerbminber was able to get the EXCLUSIVE SCOOP on what the script said for the Henry/Damien Sandow match:
Holy shit, that scoop is HOT HOT HOT.

6. AJ Lee (Last Week: 4) - In response to being shoved off a high escarpment-type deal, Lee will get back at Paige by dropping a 50-ton ACME anvil on her while she's walking to the ring for her next match. If you're wondering why she'd take hints from old school Looney Tunes animated shorts, at least know that she's studying Wile E. Coyote's mistakes and learning from them.

7. Dean Ambrose (Last Week: 8) - Everyone wants to be his friend, so who am I to deny him his rightful propers?

8. Christina Hendricks (Last Week: Not Ranked) - I didn't know where her latest Funny or Die skit as Joan Holloway from Mad Men was going, but at the end, it socked me in the gut with some TRUTH. This skit was The Sixth Sense of Funny or Die clips, only no one ended up being dead the whole time.

9. [REDACTED] (Last Week: [REDACTED]) - This spot was supposed to go to the G1 Climax winner, but since Jeff Jarrett not only appeared at the finale, but played an actual in-character role in said show, the whole tournament has been tainted. TAINTED I SAY. I just have to leave this spot blank out of utter shame.

10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACT: Sara del Rey celebrates Shark Week by having a fond phone conversation with Shark Girl about their time together on the indies.