Monday, August 18, 2014

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings, August 18

Photo Credit: Kate Briquelet/AP
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Mo'Ne Davis (Last Week: 1) - The Taney Dragons are the best baseball team from Philadelphia right now, and Davis is the biggest reason why. She became the first girl to pitch a shutout in the Little League World Series, shutting down haters and making the sexists feel really salty right now. Can anyone stop her flaming fastball fury? Not unless they're older than the age limit in the LLWS.

2. Courtney Rush (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Rush took a HUGE step towards the universal women's main event by capturing one of the big four Women's Championships in North America Saturday. She upended Cheerleader Melissa, LuFisto, and reigning Champion Mercedes Martinez at nCw: Femmes Fatale XV to win its International Championship. Rush has a few "outspoken!" critics who might bristle at this feat, but they're haters. Rush is one of the most dynamic wrestlers on the scene, and I'm glad she's getting this shot to shine.

3. Paige (Last Week: 4) - She not only kicked out of the Shining Wizard AND reversed a Black Widow, but she also got the announcers to make a Sweet Saraya reference, and not the NXT announcers either. The raven-haired British firebrand is a miracle worker.

4. Dean Ambrose (Last Week: 7) - Ambrose may have lost the battle on Sunday, but the war may be put on hold so he can go shoot a movie for WWE Studios, which in my book counts as a net win. That movie, you ask? Thunder Gun Express.

5. Heidi Lovelace (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Lovelace made history by becoming the first ever woman to hold the AAW Heritage Championship, further breaking down barriers and helping to integrate along gender lines in independent professional wrestling in America. I guess that's why her Olde Wrestling persona is so a propos, no?

6. Mark Henry (Last Week: 5) - The Surgeon General has advised against consuming too much of Henry/Big Show tag team as it contains 50 times the daily recommended dosage of HOSS. However, the Surgeon General in this case is full of shit. All those suspected HOSS OVERDOSE deaths in central Texas were due to a batch of soup tainted with botulism at the local Buc-ees chains in the area. YOU CAN HAVE ALL THE HOSS YOU WANT, PEOPLE.

7. AJ Lee (Last Week: 6) - Her beautiful second reign as Divas Championship came to an end last night, but at least I'll always have her biting Paige's hand as a lasting visual.

8. Honey and Brown Sugar Breakfast Sausage (Last Week: Not Ranked) OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - I usually don't dig normal breakfast sausage, but these links are on point. Turns out all the traditional breakfast sausage needed was a little bit of sweetness.

9. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 2) - Congratulations, WWE Creative, you found the one person less likely to cheat on his wife to put in an infidelity angle than TNA did for its own, earlier version (AJ Styles).

10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACT: The Nobel Prize commission is already on record as saying that every award it gives out is del Rey's if she can somehow turn Eva Marie into a competent wrestler.