Monday, August 25, 2014

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings, August 25

Sports Illustrated cover-girl for throwing straight fire. Mo'Ne's the best in the world, y'all.
Photo Credit: Sarah Hoye/
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Mo'Ne Davis (Last Week: 1) - So the Taney Dragons' dream run through the Little League World Series came to an abrupt halt with back-to-back losses to Mountain Ridge and Jackie Robinson West. However, the team has nothing to be ashamed of. Getting that far on the back of staff ace Davis is a great story, regardless of how it ended. And no matter what any salty asshole says, she earned that Sports Illustrated cover.

2. Nicole Matthews (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Matthews claimed another "men's" Championship for women when she won the Elite Canadian Championship Wrestling title this past weekend. While most people like myself are overjoyed at the fact that another wrestler was recognized for her prowess regardless of gender or other demographic concerns, noted DIRT SHEET SCOOPER Horb Flerbminber said of the decision "smdh misandry."

3. Dean Ambrose (Last Week: 4) - Look, if you're going to take an extended break from the ring to go shoot a movie, you could do worse to exit from the company by getting your face smashed into gimmicked cinder blocks. A lot worse.

4. Mark Henry (Last Week: 6) - FINALLY, an American hero that I can get behind!

5. Tiger Pies (Last Week: Not Ranked) OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - The Pennsylvania Renaissance Faire had these creations for sale. Akin to a shepherd's pie, tiger pies contained some kind of meat (or mushrooms for the vegetarian folk) with gravy on top of a pastry shell topped with mashed potatoes and sweet mushy peas. Talk about hearty, I nearly filled up on one of them.

6. AJ Lee (Last Week: 7) - One of these days, she's going to haul off and bite Paige's face off for real, and I will have to rank Lee #1 in perpetuity.

7. Chuck Taylor (Last Week: Not Ranked) - I'm not one to argue with decisions made by President Obama in the field of wrestling at least, so I will welcome Chuck Taylor back as 24/7 Champion with OPEN ARMS.

8. Paige (Last Week: 8) - All this holding pattern namby-pamby nonsense with her and Lee is just a stopgap until Paige can convince WWE to allow her mum entry into the company as her second without being constrained in the Hannibal Lecter mask and gurney.

9. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 9) - The hot NEWZ coming out of Rumorland (a territory of Dirtsheetsylvania) is that Daniel Bryan is not a fan of the new story that places him as a cheater. Could this displeasure be an elaborate coverup to hide the fact that he is indeed cheating on Brie Bella? ...nah.

10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACT: She's celebrating the Simpsons marathon by thinking about wearing her hair up like Marge Simpson.