Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Pro Wrestling SKOOPZ on The Wrestling Blog: Issue 1

Photo Credit:
Hello ladies and gentlemen, my name is HORB FLERBMINBER, and I used to be the webmaster at a little site called Pro Wrestling SKOOPZ. I lost my site thanks to a bet I made on Chael Sonnen at his last MMA fight, aka REAL WRESTLING. Anyway, even though TH is a filthy liar who makes up news and then slanders them on Twitter, he has given me my rightful webspace back to post all the scoops that you the reader deserve to read. I still hate his guts, however. Anyway, enough with the pleasantries, I have SCOOPS to dish out.

Basically, I serve up the HOTTEST SCOOPS for free right here, but if you want the scoops that are so blazingly scoring that they could melt steel, unlike the burning temperature of jet fuel (WAKE UP, SHEEPLE), you need to subscribe to my XXXCLUSIVE PAYWALL SCOOPS SERVICE. Just send $19.99 AMERICAN to this PayPal account. You'll get all the scoops that you won't get here or at any other dirt sheet. For example, how big is Hulk Hogan's penis? How about Ric Flair, how much is Naitch packing in his trunks? Who has the biggest schlong on the WWE roster? All that, plus SO MUCH MORE.

Also, if you want to get in on my archives, which include such SCOOPS as the reason why Vincent J. McMahon died (it wasn't cancer!) and how many members of the TNA office are members of the Illuminati (it's surprisingly a big number!), then you need to find the Jade Monkey before the next full moon so that you can uncover THE MAP that leads to the server that has all of my old stories on it. Where will this map lead you? Spoiler alert, you may need to bring along a sidearm and have larger rectal capacity than normal.

ADDITIONALLY, I am available to appear at parties, bar mitzvahs, christenings, funerals, and bachelor parties. My rates are negotiable, and they include expenses for brown liquor and canned food. Please contact me at for all booking inquiries. If you're unsure about what you're getting, check out this testimonial from Anna Bolic from Cos Cob, Connecticut!
Horb came to my son's 12th birthday party stinking of gin and BO. He verbally berated my son's best friend until both were crying, and he went on about how Tito Santana tried to stab him because he didn't believe that Taco Bell still sold the Cheesy Gordita Crunch. He puked in the ficus plant, and tried to ask the family dog out for a date. My son now swears that he'll never touch an alcoholic beverage even after he turns 21. I would hire Horb again in a heartbeat.
See, another satisfied customer!

Finally, I sell branded Pro Wrestling SKOOPZ merchandise. You can get t-shirts, coffee mugs, hoodies, dusters, duvet covers, posters, car wraps, and even TOILETS with the SKOOPZ logo on it:

All you have to do is send a self-addressed STAMPED envelope to this address:
Pro Wrestling SKOOPZ Merchandise
c/o Horb Flerbminber
5001 Central Ave.
Cheyenne, WY 82009
I will send you back the 621-page catalog with ALL the SKOOPZ merchandise you can handle.

Also this week, please head over to my sister site, Pro Wrestling TAEKS, now with 33% less malware!

- The biggest news of the week, KENTA will make an appearance at Takeover 2. SKOOPZ has CONFIRMED that he won't be wrestling, but he will be selling hot dogs in the stands to pay his dues.

- Yoshi Tatsu is confirmed to have early-onset CTE.

- Rumors are abounding that a current WWE superstar who is getting a push right now may not be getting that same push later on in the month, and that Vince McMahon changes his mind daily on whether he likes this current WWE superstar or not.

- For those who were worried that WWE was actively trying to murder Seth Rollins Monday, the company has confirmed that it's been out of risking the lives of its employees intentionally for about 15 years now.

- KENTA thinks the hot dog is a sandwich.

- The words "pro" and "wrestling" were uttered consecutively on a massively popular podcast hosted by a MMA personality.

- Brandon Halsey in the area of Grand Canyon University samaika Live TV Bellator middleweight title against Friday, September 26 is a storm in Phoenix heading back as Alexander Shlemenko Bellator cage. At the end of the event and a full preliminary card will feature a lightweight battle. GCU Arena box office for tickets, or are now available for sale. Ryan Martinez, former heavyweight match in the fight against, at the end of the night will steal anything off Nick Rossborough. Stocks heavily in a battle of players, Rossborough first to achieve the success of the warrior is ready for, but keep Martinez ended September 26, looking to have won five KO and powerful. Against his own state, the crowd, eager to make his mark in front of Michael Parker face Bellator cage. And have an impressive record of 19-6 with former featherweight semi-finals in the last 12 had won 10 of the dispute. Fans Parker GCU Arena Taimanglo soon his victories with 11 KO or exited and eight battle plans before a draw. First Bellator his, Arizona Estevan great desire to fight Derek Campos owner lightweight fighter aircraft. 3-1 winning record in warrior, winning five of the last six fights in the Bellator cage, no other nations to set,. Shame, known for his knockout power, and in the last five KO him win four. Phoenix would be Larue Burley rounded out the card face an Arizona resident primary partner Raymond Pina. Don Charles Brandon Girtz Penny in a heavyweight fight against Madrid put his talent to the test and Stuart Austin Yuka meet under.

- Shane Douglas went on the PA at the Target he manages in South Philadelphia to announce that employee Jamal McIntyre had a phone call.

- Dean Ambrose's return date has been confirmed to be 6/9 at 4:20 PM. Observers call this return date "Nice."

- Reaction backstage to KENTA thinking that a hot dog is a sandwich is split. Some agree with him, and some think he's getting too big of an ego and that he should have his push scuttled.

- Big news from the Lucha Underground tapings, as half the names of the wrestlers on the roster are just "Killer" spelled backwards.

- Sting will continue his tour with Paul Simon into 2015 on the continent of Europe. It is unknown at this time whether he will be back for his long-rumored match at WrestleMania against the Undertaker, although rumors now point to a Sting and Paul Simon tag match against Undertaker and Art Garfunkel.

- Hulk Hogan apparently thinks that KENTA thinks the hot dog is a sandwich because it's the same color as Hogan's skin.

- CM Punk is angry.

- Last week's poll results showed that 45% respondents would orally pleasure both Jado and Gedo, 33% would only service Jado, 12% only Gedo, and 10% would only manually stimulate the New Japan bookers. This week's poll: