|BO-lieve it or not, not even Dallas could save Smackdown|
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Worst Friend—Roman Reigns
Oh sure, Roman Reigns seemed to get along well with Big Show and Mark Henry during their match against the Wyatt Family, but let's not fool ourselves; he'll probably have forgotten all about them next week, only to suddenly vow revenge after they've been decimated. I'm on to you, Reigns! Maybe under normal circumstances I'd say that the continued exemplary friendship examples set by Show and Henry, as well as the Wyatts, might have inspired Reigns to be a better friend. However, my optimism has been so thoroughly trampled into the dirt that I dare not get my friendship hopes up.
Silver Lining: The three-on-three match was actually pretty fun and I got what enjoyment I could out of it. Also, Show, Henry, and Reigns had colour-coordinated outfits, which I appreciated.
Seth Rollins and Rob van Dam had a match to which I admittedly paid very little attention, but JBL's yammering hammered through my ennui in most annoying fashion. When I thought it couldn't get any worse, he expressed a wish for a rubber match between Rollins and van Dam, proving himself to be nobody's friend. No one wants to see that, JBL. You're the worst.
Worst Friend—Whoever is Writing For/Booking the Divas' Division
I really should have known better. Paige and Emma had a match and I was SO EXCITED...and then it was over in about a minute. Of course it was. Because if any two women on the roster are incapable of having a lengthy and engaging match it's DEFINITELY Paige and Emma, right? Fuck off.
Silver lining: There was no distraction during the match (mostly because there wasn't time for one) and it looked like Paige and AJ Lee have FINALLY progressed to Step Two of their feud, with Paige not even feigning friendship anymore while Lee is still maintaining her delusion and, as is her wont, cranking it up to 11. If this story was at all competently written, it would be amazing. Paige comes on the scene playing the naive youngling, only to viciously overthrow Lee while still protesting that she really admires her. However, when Paige finally abandons pretence because she doesn't need it anymore, Lee reveals that SHE bought into the story wholesale—and she's not letting go, gradually intensifying her efforts at “friendship.” Who's the hero and who's the villain anymore? Is Lee faking her obsession? WE JUST DON'T KNOW! But no, instead we get “lol Paige is crazy lol AJ is crazy lol Emma is a weirdo who loves dancing lol bitches be crazy lolololololol” Ugh.
Worst Friend—Bo Dallas
Yes, you read that right. Bo Dallas, usually a force for all that is good in the world, is listed as Worst Friend. During Jack Swagger's match against Rusev, Dallas first attempted to throw in the towel on Swagger's behalf (hiding himself behind the ring apron afterwards) and then tripped him up, causing the Real American to tap out. Afterwards, Dallas once again taunted Swagger about failing his country. This was such a gross misunderstanding of Dallas' character and his particular brand of villainy that I'm completely baffled. Bo Dallas is not sneaky or overtly mean. He is, in fact, hilariously open about all of his actions and his mean streak only comes out when just Bo-lieving isn't enough to win a match (which is all the time because he is a sham as an inspirational speaker because this character is AMAZING and, for the love of everything, PLEASE DO NOT RUIN HIM).
There was an easy way to have him cost Swagger the match while keeping Dallas' character intact: Feeling sorry for Swagger due to Zeb Colter's continued absence, Dallas could insist on becoming the new manager for the Real American. Being overzealous and over-cautious about Swagger's health would cause him to preemptively throw in the towel. Remorse for what he's done could then prompt a ton of over-apologizing, thereby distracting Swagger and costing him the match. Afterwards, Dallas could still chide his new friend for just not Bo-lieving hard enough. Simple, effective, and way more entertaining than “suddenly Bo Dallas tries to sabotage Jack Swagger for no reason.”
Silver lining: Rusev and Swagger actually had a good match, with Rusev still selling his injured ankle like a champ.
Worst Friend—Jimmy Uso
Jimmy Uso had a match against Stardust and once again I was stoked and once again I was disappointed. Uso beat Stardust in unnecessarily quick fashion, even after Goldust had just apologized for the previous Dust Brothers/Usos skirmish and explained that he and Stardust just REALLY want the tag titles. Perfectly reasonable, and the Dust Brothers' mounting desperation was understandable. Stardust deserved a good, long match. I deserved a good, long match. EVERYONE deserved a good, long match and you let us down, Uso. I'm not even mad about Goldust and Stardust once again taking out their frustrations on the Usos afterwards. Friendship is for suckers!
Worst Friend (But in a Good Way This Time)—The Miz
The Miz was scheduled for a match against Sheamus, but sent Damien Sandow in his stead. I continue to love Hollywood Miz and I also love pairing him with Sandow. This way Sandow gets slightly longer matches (still losing, of course) and his mimicking of Miz's mannerisms is extremely entertaining. Of course, the two men are far from being friends; Miz DOES employ Sandow solely to take hits for him, and after the latter first lost his match and then was kicked by Sheamus, Miz didn't bother to check on him or show any sign of concern. FRIENDSHIP IS FOR SUCKERS.