Monday, September 1, 2014

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings, September 1

Hail to the workers!
Photo via Mark's Dispoal
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. The American Workforce (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Today is Labor Day, which means a celebration of the working men and women in the United States of America, the people who have made this country great. People have bled, sweat, and cried for the greater good of this country, and only relatively recently have advances been made to protect the working man. Mass unionization and the formation of OSHA only happened within the last 150 years, which might seem like a long time especially in the history of the US, but the fact that job "creators" had to be told that budgeting human lives into a job as recently as any point in the last century is appalling. Do your part by voting for pro-labor candidates, supporting a $15-at-least minimum wage, and by voting for more regulation that keeps a leash on super rich corporations that would rather ship jobs to the fucking Third World instead of paying a fair wage.

Oh, and whatever anyone tells you, today is not another holiday to propagate the fetishization of the military. Honor the troops on Memorial Day.

2. Mo'Ne Davis (Last Week: 1) - As Davis leaves the rankings, she'll never really relinquish her claim as "Best in the World." Hopefully, some enterprising Philadelphia high school will be able to find a spot for her on its rotation, and she can continue breaking faces hopefully all the way up to the majors.

3. Ricochet (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Ricochet continued his year of ownage by winning the Battle of Los Angeles tournament this weekend. His biggest feat was overcoming me predicting him to win. It seems my jinxing tendencies are going into remission.

4. Willie Mack (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Mack made his final goodbye to the Reseda crowd Night Three of BOLA, making his dispatch to that GAP down on Orlando official. He might not be the biggest name new hire, but the dude may have the highest upside.

5. AJ Lee (Last Week: 6) - Lee's plan of setting Tumblr on fire so far is working like a charm.

6. Paige (Last Week: 8) - Of course, Paige may not seem like she's a willing accomplice to the action, but trust me, she is totally going along with Lee's plan. Then again, if Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins start answering ship requests, Tumblr will take down the whole Internet in its incendiary implosion.

7. Mark Henry (Last Week: 4) - Henry is not ready to share the CHOCOLATE HOSSDOM completely with Mack just yet, so expect them to tag together and wreck shit.

8. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 9) - Bryan will be going under the knife for Tommy John surgery soon, so expect him to have a bit more zip on his changeup and for an extra 2-4 mph to get added to his fastball upon his return. I have no idea how that will help his wrestling though.

9. Potato Leek Soup (Last Week: Not Ranked) OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY -Yes, I made soup in the waning days of summer, but when soup is good, it's evergreen.

10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACT: She celebrated Labor Day by kicking a chicken right onto the grill. Her koppo kicks can still debone and defeather a chicken just like they could in 2007.