Monday, September 15, 2014

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings, September 15

Thanks, Tony!
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Mo'Ne Davis (Last Week: 1) - Okay, she didn't really do anything newsworthy this week, but after the shitty week the world has had, it needs a reminder that somewhere out there, awesome folk like Davis exist.

2. Tony Schiavone (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Surge is coming back, and I'd like to think Schiavone was working hard behind the scenes to make it happen. Sure, he can't promote it on a wrestling show anymore, but if you're a fan of the Gwinnett Braves, then maybe he'll start making promotional consideration for the soda during minor league baseball games. Hopefully, he won't talk about the nWo while Atlanta prospects are at the dish.

3. Paige (Last Week: 6) - Sweet Saraya's baby girl seems to be taking the lead in this whole psychological warfare thing between her and AJ Lee. I hope Lee isn't baiting her into the killshot; I want to see this continue in perpetuity.

4. AJ Lee (Last Week: 3) - Still though, watching Lee play cat and mouse with the youthful Paige is masterful.

5. Clam Strips (Last Week: Not Ranked) OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - While clam chowder is God's gift to the world of soup, the bivalve is also great cut up and fried crisp. As with most seafood, squeeze some lemon on it for MAXIMUM FLAVOR.

6. Mark Henry (Last Week: 4) - Mark Henry so America that whenever he gives a World's Strongest Slam, everyone in al-Qaeda feels it.

7. Trent? (Last Week: Not Ranked) - The former Trent Barretta, despite rolling on a bad wheel, defeated Orange Cassidy for the 24/7 Hardcore Championship. I don't know about you, but he's got my vote for Inspirational Wrestler of the Year. APTER, GET OVER HERE AND COUNT MY BALLOT.

8. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 8) - Current plans have him now coming back after taking the Super Soldier Serum, but Triple H nixed it because he was afraid of how big the beard would get.

9. Scotland (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Scotland is voting on its independence this week. If you don't think national independence is cool, then you don't think George Washington is cool. Or Benjamin Franklin. Or ABRAHAM LINCOLN.

...of course Lincoln didn't fight a war of independence. I'm just seeing if you're paying attention.

10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACT: She is the only one allowed to get excited over pumpkin spice stuff because she can kick all our asses.