Monday, September 22, 2014

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings, September 22

Dean Ambrose is a friend to Yellow cab
Photo Credit:
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Dean Ambrose (Last Week: Not Ranked) - That Dean Ambrose is such a swell guy, keeping traditional cabbies in business in the face of Uber crushing the market with its trendy and convenient iron fist.

2. Sidney Bakabella (Last Week: Not Ranked) - He manages the reigning King of Trios AND the Tag Gauntlet winners. He's also brought helmet hair back into style, AND he's gotten over more times on Toots Mondt than the Roadrunner has on Wile E. Coyote. If you don't think Bakabella is the Manager of the Year, well, he's not gonna let you get to the pay window.

3. AJ Lee (Last Week: 4) - Lee won the Divas Title for a third time last night. Two more times, and she can get a free coffee cake muffin at her local Dunkin' Donuts.

4. Halloween Oreos (Last Week: Not Ranked) OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - I submit to the groundswell of orange colored and pumpkin flavored foods, but Nabisco lost out on PRIME BRANDING by not having Hallowicked Oreos for King of Trios. THAT COMPANY MADE ME GO FULL TREE BRO.

5. Paige (Last Week: 3) - Even though she tapped out to Lee and lost the Divas Championship, she still got a psychological one-up by using Lee's posterior as the canvas upon which she'd tap. MIND GAMES. ONLY PLAYED WITH THE ASS.

6. Jakob Hammermeier (Last Week: Not Ranked) - No lie, just last week, I was wondering where that crazy guy had gone, and boom, Friday, he unmasked as the man behind Dr. Cube in possession of the Eye of Tyr all along. I swear to God, if the endgame is that Hammermeier is the mole for Chikara inside The Flood, I will wet my pants. IN A COOL, MILES DAVIS WAY AS DEPICTED IN BILLY MADISON.

7. Mr. Money (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Teddy Hart may be a socks-and-sandals wearing lameoid, but don't front on Mr. Money, the coolest cat in the Hart Family. THAT'S RIGHT, NATTIE NEIDHART's NEW CAT, I'M THROWING SHADE AT YOU, WHAT.

8. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 8) - Even injured, Daniel Bryan's so good he can end this string of me using unnecessary caps at the end of entries.

9. Mark Henry (Last Week: 6) - Henry lost to Rusev at Night of Champions, but I dare anyone who says he let his country down to say it to his face. I will always stand by Mark Henry as a true, real American. In fact, I am going to start a Change-Dot-Org petition to get the US capital relocated to Silsby, TX.

10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACT: She possesses the power of bilocation, which allowed her to be at both King of Trios AND Night of Champions last night.