Monday, September 8, 2014

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings, September 8

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Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Mo'Ne Davis (Last Week: 2) - Not only did she throw maybe the best opening pitch of all-time at a baseball game, but she was recognized as being so goddamn fly that Yasiel Puig asked for HER autograph. Respect, yo.

2. Torta (Last Week: Not Ranked) OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - I had my first torta Saturday night, and I immediately wanted to go back in time to make myself eat one before that date so I didn't end up missing out on something that goddamn delicious.

3. AJ Lee (Last Week: 5) - Despite Stephanie McMahon having a whole foot on her, Lee did not back down in the staring contest at all. While that matchup was ruled a draw, Lee still is the WWE Staring Contest Champion after defeating Big E back on June 16.

4. Mark Henry (Last Week: 7) - MARK HENRY IS AMERICA.

5. Darren Sproles (Last Week: Not Ranked) - The tiniest football player in the NFL was a huge component to the Eagles come-from-behind victory against the Jacksonville Jaguars Sunday. With a long touchdown run and several punt returns, Sproles appears to be a perfect fit in Chip Kelly's offense, which hopefully will allow me to be insufferable as a football fan long into the cold wastes of January and February.

6. Paige (Last Week: 6) - I hope she screams in the face of the people who annoy her.

7. Tim Donst (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Donst became a TWO-TIME, TWO-TIME Absolute Champion over the weekend. While the concept of deserving a Championship seems a bit trite in a worked sport like wrestling, I always like seeing good dudes like Donst being given the ball with strict orders to run as hard as he can. Dude is one of the best and most unheralded guys out there.

8. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Bryan has another surgery on the horizon, but the endgame will not only be to let him recover from his injuries, but to be the second ever Cyborg-American. The first is Peyton Manning, but he almost doesn't count since he's more Cyborg than person at this point.

9. Kimber Lee (Last Week: Not Ranked) - How often does it happen that a wrestler is named to a huge, big, super-prestigious tournament and he or she is the best competitor in it? Well, it happened to Lee when she was announced for King of Trios. Go get it, girl.

10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACT: She pitched a subplot on Total Divas this season where she went on a quest to get INFINITE CHEWING GUM, but E! decided it wouldn't be exciting enough. Clearly, they don't know how obsessive she gets about gum.