Monday, October 6, 2014

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings, October 6

Not only a Tittymaster, but a Slimemaster too!
Photo Credit:
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Dean Ambrose (Last Week: 6) - Thanks to Ambrose, the sales of green slime spiked through the roof. Just don't accept any substitutes, especially from creepy guys who drive windowless vans.

2. Paige (Last Week: 4) - She used her connections to allow Alicia Fox to score some Surge ahead of the soft relaunch. That act was a sign of true clout. Also, Paige and Fox need to be a legit tag team, because they would probably have the best adventures. For example, I would love to have seen Fox's response to Paige getting someone to get her logo tattooed on his bum. Like, did she then challenge someone to get their appendix removed so it could be fashioned into an Alicia Fox logo made out of human tissue? Does Alicia Fox even HAVE a logo? THESE ARE THINGS I COULD FIND OUT BY WATCHING THEM PAL AROUND.

3. AJ Lee (Last Week: 2) - Honestly, she's going to need to get Kaitlyn back on the team if she wants to get a leg up on Paige with her new teaming. Of course, she'll have to swallow her pride and probably order $300 worth of merch from Celestial Bodiez, but it'll be worth it to have familiar backup, y'know?

4. Mark Henry (Last Week: 5) - Mark Henry don't need no Bo-tivation to get what he wants. All he wants to do is dispatch PAIN.

5. Cheesesteaks (Last Week: Not Ranked) OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - The best food for a hospital discharge day is definitely a nice, greasy, meaty cheesesteak. Related, thank you everyone for the well-wishes and good vibes. Josie is doing great for being a preemie, and Amanda is in great spirits even if her emergency c-section stitching is giving her fits.

6. Strong Bad and Coach Z (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Homestar Runner's first digital short in almost a decade featured this duo dropping the NEWEST NUMBER ONE JAM. Although, if they release the titular character's Barbershop ditty as a b-side, the single may just become the most fire release since the Be-Sharps' Bigger than Jesus.

7. Eric Hosmer (Last Week: Not Ranked) - The Royals, after years upon years of being the American League's whipping boys, are going to the League's Championship Series, and in response, the team's first baseman bought drinks for fans. How goddamn cool is that?

8. Athena (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Not only did she successfully escape the Girls Night Out double tapings with her AIW Women's Championship, she was able to harness her inner energy and become ATHENA-ZILLA. I hope this ends up being her final form, because the wrestling world can't take anything more powerful than that, to be honest. Gotta keep the playing field level for the rest of the gang, to be honest.

9. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 9) - One could say he's been "relegated" to Total Divas, but he remains perhaps the best character on WWE's highest rated show. Wait, is Total Divas the highest rated show? Don't look it up. LET ME HAVE THIS.

10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACT: She holds the record for Most Faces Melted at the ECW Arena for the time she slapped the taste out of Claudio Castagnoli's mouth at Chikarasaurus Rex weekend 2011.