Monday, November 10, 2014

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings, November 10

One of these days, the tables will turn and Bayley will be SO CONFLICTED
Photo Credit:
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Sasha Banks (Last Week: Not Ranked) - This ranking has been a long time coming. Not only is she tremendous in the ring and plays her character to a tee, she is the most one-of-us wrestler on the WWE satellite roster. She loves indie wrestling, buys t-shirts of those who are still there, retweets crazy Photoshops, and geeks out over the big wrestling happenings just like the legions of smart-ass fans who stan for her. If I ever make it to Full Sail, I am starting a "ONE OF US" chant for her when she comes out.

2. Kimber Lee (Last Week: 3) - Her rivalry with JT Dunn has taken such a turn for the better that I'm pretty sure she keeps him in a Poke Ball between cards. However, because she seems like the benevolent type, I'm sure it's a Luxury Ball. Only the best for her rivals/whipping boys.

3. KJ McDaniels (Last Week: Not Ranked) - McDaniels is 6'6" and blocking shots like he's Manute Bol. Six-and-a-half feet might be tall in the real world, but in the NBA, he's average height. I'm trying not to get my hopes up since who knows if he's gonna stick around on the Sixers-Tanktastic-Roster-of-Fun, but if he's sustainable and can be on the floor with healthy Nerlens Noel and Joel Embiid in the future, it's gonna be a block party in Philly YEAH.

4. Bayley (Last Week: Not Ranked) - One of these days, Bayley is gonna tease turning heel, and she'll torment herself over whether to use her arm-tassels to choke her opponents, and it'll be GREAT.

5. Mark Henry (Last Week: 4) - It's one thing to "STOP IT, HE'S ALREADY DEAD" to someone like, oh, Randy Orton. But to pummel Big Show into a fine paste? Hell, he hit Show so hard with the ring steps, he got disqualified. NO ONE GETS DQED WITH THOSE STEPS BECAUSE THEY'RE A WIMPY WEAPON, BUT NOT IN THE HANDS OF MARK HENRY.

6. Spinach, Garlic, and Feta Cheese Dip (Last Week: Not Ranked) OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - You will smell like the Garlic Festival after eating it, but it'll be worth it.

7. Aaron Rodgers (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Apparently, the "discount double check guy" is pretty good at football. Who knew?

8. Heidi Lovelace (Last Week: 1) - She may have lost her AAW Heritage Championship, but it's only because Orbit Adventure Ant fired a laser at her from space in order to do the evil bidding of Missile Assault Ant. IT'S WAR, only against ants. EVIL ants.

9. Lana (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Not only does she have Rusev's United States Championship to accessorize her fire wardrobe, but she's outchea throwing shade at other countries' winters that aren't as harsh as Mother Russia's. HARD.

10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: Not Ranked) - SARA DEL REY FACT: The Seahawk mascot who got loose at the game was actually going to land on del Rey first, but she scared it off with an intense glower.