Monday, December 8, 2014

Smackdown: Friendship is Magic

Seriously, she needs a better man than jealous-ass Jimmy Uso
Photo Credit:
Oh, this show. Soooooo much talking. Soooooo hard to maintain my focus. Talk about your “no wrestling for wrestling's sake,” there was hardly any wrestling at all.

May the Odds Be Ever in Their Favour – Luke Harper and Dolph Ziggler
I missed the opening of the show and part of the opening Intercontinental title match between Luke Harper and Dolph Ziggler because I hadn't got back yet from seeing Mockingjay Part 1. What I did see of the match was perfectly entertaining, though I'm heartily sick of DQ finishes in order to set up a PPV match. Nothing wrong with the concept, but they do it ALL THE TIME now. Anyway, in lieu of any friendship commentary on this match due to my tardiness, here is my review of Mockingjay: Could have used more Johanna Mason. Then again,that's pretty much my review of everything ever. This episode of Smackdown? Could have used a fuck-ton more Johanna Mason.

Best Friends – The Authority Remnants
I'm not really sure what the deal is with Seth Rollins and Kane now that Triple H and Stephanie are not calling the shots anymore, but at least villainous friendship is still finding a way to prevail. Rollins, Kane, Jamie Noble, and Joey Mercury all continued to show a united front. Rollins made my night by declaring that he hates Christmas (SO EVIL). He also tossed off some pretty groan-worthy and not particularly interesting rhetoric re. John Cena, but made up for it by continuing to cackle at his own jokes (SO EVIL). Noble and Mercury's sycophantic clapping and nodding along in the background also continued to warm my heart. Rollins and Kane also attempted to solidify Big Show's entrance into their friendship club, to which Show reminded them that they're all terrible people and they could therefore count on him. So touching. And then during Rollins and Show's match against Ryback and Erick Rowan, Kane was thrown out for being too good a friend. At least, I'm pretty sure that's why he was thrown out. I had definitely lost interest by that point.

Should Be Friends – Tyson Kidd and Cesaro
Tyson Kidd and Cesaro made a surprisingly effective team against the New Day's Xavier Woods and Kofi Kingston. They still lost, but they were fun to watch. I wouldn't mind seeing them interact more.

Doesn't Deserve a Friend – Jimmy Uso
Holy shit, Jimmy Uso is the actual worst. In response to the apparently vast breach of propriety in offering to help Naomi further her career, the Miz sent her roses as an apology. Upon discovering this, Jimmy Uso acted like a reasonable adult and, without a single word to his wife, hurled the roses to floor and then stormed off.

I hate this plot. I hate it so much. Or, rather, I hate that I am supposed to sympathize with the possessive, jealous asshole. Is this seriously what the WWE writers think a devoted husband acts like? Miz hasn't done anything wrong! I mean, yeah, he's a smarmy douchebag, but he didn't harass Naomi outside of their one interaction and then apologized for bothering her. Does Jimmy Uso get this way any time ANYONE talks to his wife or mentions that she's hot? I'm surprised he doesn't spend all his time trying to scrub out the multiple photo galleries on the WWE website devoted to how hot she is.

Cole tried to spin the fact that Miz only took notice of Naomi once the Usos became number one contenders for the Tag Team titles, and this is a way to get under his opponents' skin. But if that's the case, shouldn't Uso be a wee bit smarter than this? Shouldn't he be able to realize that Miz is just trying to bother him and then NOT LET IT BOTHER HIM? And speaking of Michael fucking Cole, he also spent the entirety of Jey Uso's match against the Miz solemnly declaring that a man can't send another man's wife flowers and trying to goad JBL into admitting that if someone gave his wife flowers he would “beat the hell out of them.” Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck yooooooooooou.  

Deserves a Friend – Naomi
The mortally insulted (apparently) wife of Jimmy Uso herself had a match against Brie Bella and I just feel so desperately sorry for Naomi right now. What is she getting out of any of this at all? Her husband didn't speak to her at all before deciding to be offended on her behalf, and when he trashed her flowers all she could offer in response was a feeble protestation of, “Why'd you do that?” Her brother-in-law had a match to “defend her honour” (ewwwwwww) and she was nowhere to be found, with no word on how she feels about any of this. Then she had a match of her own and the focus was entirely shifted to the Bellas and AJ Lee. Naomi won, but only after Lee attacked Nikki Bella for attempting to interfere. And while Naomi's music played, the camera just kept panning from Lee to the Bellas and back again. No Naomi anywhere. Look, I know that the Bellas vs. AJ Lee is the top women's story right now. I know that primary focus is going to be on that. But it's fucking frustrating to see Naomi used as a passive prop to further stories that she should be more active in.