Thursday, December 11, 2014

Twitter Request Line, Vol. 103

What's his endgame?
Photo Credit: Erik Dixon
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers!

The answer is Kid Cyclone, err, I'm sorry, Kevin Condren, because I'm not sure he's going to end up as a rudo by the time it's done. As of right now, he's a guy with good intentions going about it the wrong way. If you have a problem with a guy, you should want to get revenge on him, but hitting him with a pipe wrench behind his back isn't exactly the best way to go about it. The question is whether Condren's just bitter and needed someone to take his aggressions out upon, or whether he's going to end up as the Eddie Kingston to Kingston's Claudio Castagnoli from back in 2009 before the BDK launched. I'm not in the "KID CYCLONE WAS RIGHT" camp; moreover, I'm in the "Everyone's wrong, but war is hell so let's see where this goes," camp. But it'd be foolish to say that he's completely in the wrong here, and that's what makes a good heel.

Barcalounger. No, I'm serious. The winner gets a nice, relaxing massage while in a Barcalounger. Wrestling is inherently violent, but when does a wrestler get a reward for his or her violence? Seriously, Lucha Underground is revolutionary in this regard with its monetary reward system, but sometimes, all a guy wants is to get his feet rubbed, shoulders massaged, and to kick back for awhile and relax without having to worry about someone jumping him or her. Treat the wrestlers right for a change.

PRACTICAL: Sami Zayn will be Intercontinental Champion. Whether or not this is a blessing or not depends on what mood Vince McMahon is in at the time, but I see him on the main roster in a prominent position this time next year.

DREAM: Daniel Bryan ends the final RAW of 2015 calling out Brock Lesnar for the Royal Rumble. Bryan, who will be WWE World Heavyweight Champion one more, has no worlds left to conquer without bringing in one of the marquee part-timers. Of them, Lesnar would be the best matchup due to their "real" pedigrees, and he'd probably be the most realistic unless he trots off to UFC to join CM Punk.

I don't think Cesaro's goose is cooked, thankfully. Vince McMahon can't stay in power forever, and Cesaro's a Triple H guy. It might take a year or two, but Cesaro will get his run.


  1. Roman Reigns is booed out of the building after winning the 2015 Royal Rumble. Plans change from a singles match with Brock Lesnar at WrestleMania to a fatal four-way featuring Lesnar vs. each of the former members of The Shield. Dean Ambrose wins the WWE World Heavyweight Championship.
  2. Daniel Bryan finally returns to action at SummerSlam, where he defeats Triple H one more time for emphasis before moving on from The Authority and related shenanigans for good, namely to turn heel and engage in feuds with main roster callups Finn B├ílor and Hideo Itami.
  3. Global Force Wrestling reaches an agreement with Dixie Carter and TNA that will allow the company to get a television deal with Spike in return for a monetary settlement to be paid over the next five years.
  4. The Undertaker announces his retirement at Survivor Series, a fitting end to his WWE career that began at the event. He wanted to try and make it to Mania XXXII, but his body was telling him to retire in the fall.
  5. WWE begins making inroads at acquiring an existing wrestling promotion to act as new programming on The Network. A deal will not be made before the year's out, but many people suspect that Ring of Honor is its top choice.

Owens will undoubtedly debut a heel, either as the impetus for Zayn turning heel or as a feud partner for his former friend-turned-foe-turned-friend on the indies. The former Steen is the kind of personality who works better as a heel and who needs to build cache in order to become that "Internet geek" babyface that becomes bulletproof and can do no wrong. AS for the subsequent feud you've proposed, well, I don't see a [REDACTED] in that pile, nor do I see analogues for Trips and Michaels, unless you're suggesting that Neville's in the [REDACTED] role fighting against two friends. Or would that be Owens since Neville and Zayn are kayfabe besties in NXT lore? Either way, I'd expect something a little different here.

Jimmy Rollins would be Sting. He spent his entire career in one place, resisting free agent moves and getting an ironclad no-trade clause. Sting may have been in a bunch of companies, sure, but all of them could be considered as "The Phillies" and WWE could be the place where he wasn't. Then again, wouldn't that make Rollins the inverse Sting? I don't know. Chase Utley is John Cena. They're both good at what they do, have glaring errors that tend to be overlooked by their fans, and are disproportionately loved by white people, especially women and children. Ruben Amaro is not Vince McMahon because McMahon actually built what he inherited into something better. If anything, Amaro is Vince Russo, given credit for something he had minimal input in and who fucked the pooch when he was given the reins by himself.

"Wonderful Christmastime," because at least "Santa Baby" wasn't an embarrassment to be attributed to a former Beatle.

Objectively, it probably has to be Jushin "Thunder" Liger. He has longevity, as his career is approaching three decades active now. He has peak back from when he was doing his thing in both Japan and on Nitro. Maybe he wouldn't have had the chance to be prominent if not for Dynamite Kid and Tiger Mask, but Liger took the style to the next level and did so for a heck of a lot longer.

It's hard to predict the scene seven years down the road, especially since he's going to be coming with me to Chikara and you know how the indies can be cruel. I would imagine he'd be drawn to Fire Ant if he's still around. Kids love the masks, and Fire Ant does the most daredevil stuff of the Colony. If he's more into WWE, then I could see him being into Daniel Bryan, Sami Zayn, or Kalisto. Or maybe he's still big into John Cena if Cena's still around and not full-time doing movies by then. Who knows. The best bet for his favorite wrestler would have been Brodus Clay, because he LOOOOVES dinosaurs though.

Turn heel. The only way he's going to step into Santa Clara as a Mania main eventer that isn't totally fraudulent is if he embraces the shitstorm of boos that is going to rain down upon him when he inevitably wins the Royal Rumble. Otherwise, he's just going to get killed while trying to pretend everything's hunky-dory around him. Of course, he shouldn't main-event WrestleMania. The top match should be Dolph Ziggler challenging for the title against Lesnar with The Shield three-way, Sting/Triple H, Taker/Wyatt, and Cena/Rusev as the surrounding heavy-hitter matches, but hey, what the hell do I know anyway.

A short, inconclusive list:

  • VINCE MCMAHON: A PlayStation 4 to keep him occupied so that someone else can run the show.
  • KEVIN DUNN: A one-way ticket on the next rocket to the Sun
  • DEAN AMBROSE: A gift certificate for a nice milk steak dinner somewhere
  • RENEE YOUNG: Some comfortable ballet flats so that Horb can stop reporting on people ribbing her for not wearing shoes
  • JIMMY USO: Some Xanax, bro, so he can chill the fuck out about his wife
  • SIMON GOTCH: Moustache wax
  • LAYLA: My digits. Call me, bae... UH I MEAN A FRUIT BASKET BECAUSE I AM HAPPILY MARRIED YES.