Dispatches from the Lake: It's Friday Night, and the Mood is Right

Superstars moves to Friday with a... long Cameron match?
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Welcome to Friday night Superstars! With Smackdown taking its rightful place on Thursday nights, WWE has moved the recap-a-thon and dark matches no one cares about to the night where people aren’t watching television. It’s okay. Only me and maybe three other shut-ins watch Superstars anyway. So let’s dig in! Our first match of the night is Cameron against Summer Rae, and right off the bat I'm disinterested. I have no desire to see Cameron wrestle, so I may have checked right out of this match from the beginning. Folding my laundry was more entertaining than this match. Cameron’s decent at heel mannerisms, but there’s no fluidity to her moves. There were lots of awkward pauses during the match and about 50 minutes of submissions. Summer did nothing of note but wail a lot while in Cameron’s weak ass holds. At least she remember to pin Summer on her shoulders instead of her stomach, so that’s something, right?

BACKSTAGE SEGMENT! Fandango and Rosa Mendez got weird with Renee Young. I’m happy to see the backstage segments making a return to the show. They give the lower card guys a chance to show some personality. If you are going to bother to film the dark matches, you may as well give them some context. Effort is always appreciated! Recaps from... Superstars last week? We’re through the looking glass here people. Los Matadores and Goldust and Stardust wrestled last week, which is a step up from CONSTANT USO REMATCHES. WWE is attempting a feud here, so I applaud them. Again, any effort being put into Superstars is a good thing. If WWE isn’t going to do anything with these guys on the main shows, then let them do something on the shows that no one watches.

Second match of the night was Goldust, Stardust, and Fandango vs. Los Matadores and Justin Gabriel. First off, I’m going to mug Goldust for his spikey coat. Second off, Fandando’s new look is garbage. He’s creepy and delightful, but boo-urns to the new theme and clothes. Third off, can Stardust hit his head at the Royal Rumble and revert back to Cody Rhodes? I think we’ve said all we’re going to say with the Stardust gimmick. The only interesting thing about this match was that the Dusts were on a winning team. I’m hoping for a blood feud between the brothers starting up sometime between now and WrestleMania. I will say this. Fandango fits right in with the weirdness of the current Dusts. I wouldn’t mind more trios matches with them, but Goldust and Stardust both deserve better.

A Wrinkle in Recaps

• Daniel Bryan called Stephanie McMahon a whore, which pissed me right the hell off. Everything else about that segment was great. Let’s keep the misogynistic garbage out of Bryan’s promos, huh? I love the everyman versus million dollar princess dynamic between them. There’s a whole orchard of insults these two can use to get under each other’s skin, so let’s just avoid the rotten, low-hanging fruit please.
• I’m fully willing to admit that John Cena is a perfectly fine wrestler. There’s shit he does that I can’t stand, but he can put on a decent match at the very least. So, it’s cool seeing Seth Rollins fight Cena, but there is no part of me that thinks Rollins can win without a DQ. There’s no point in complaining about this anymore, though. The sky is blue, water is wet, and Cena will overcome any odds you put in front of him. Instead of bitching about it, I’m just going to go with the flow. It is what it is, and it’s never going to change.
• Rollins, however, had a banner week. His promo on RAW was great, but his Smackdown promo was outstanding. Give him a solid victory over top guys and solidify him as a major main event player going forward. After his exchange with Paul Heyman on Smackdown, I’m genuinely interested in where Rollin’s story is going to take him over the course of this year.
• I will never get sick of Brock Lesnar hitting German Suplexes on Cena.
• "Macho Man" Randy Savage going into the Hall of Fame? It’s about goddamn time. I’ll be stock piling tissues and champagne for the Hall of Fame ceremony. One thing, though. Get Hulk Hogan off the of Savage’s Hall of Fame card. I don’t care who inducts Savage. I just care he’s going in.
• I don’t know about you, but I have no interest in this RAW Reunion thing WWE is running on Monday Night. I’ll be watching the #RAWlternative that Beyond Wrestling is putting on, and you should too. Having the legends show up on at least one Raw a month completely takes away the specialness of having them appear.