Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Pro Wrestling SKOOPZ on The Wrestling Blog: Issue 15

Roman Reigns has an important few weeks coming up and HORB TELLS YOU WHY
Photo Credit:
Wednesday is here again, and you faithful HORBAPHILES know what that means. HORB FLERBMINBER is back here dishing you the deepest scoops from a reservoir of news and gossip DEEPER than the Marianas Trench. I HAVE NUGGETS SO DEEP they've been lodged in my colon since Thanksgiving 1978. Do you know which two Impact Wrestling superstars are actually members of the Bilderberg Group? I DO, AND I'M NOT TELLING YOU UNLESS YOU READ MY WEEKLY REPORT, NERDS. I even know who's going to be in the main event at WrestleMania 32 in Dallas. HINT, it's no one on the main roster right now, and one of them has a FREAKISHLY LARGE PENIS. This information is only for my INSIDERS.

I currently am working on both omnipresence and a device that will allow me not to need sleep. Of course, because these items have not been invented yet, I can only mine so many scoops from the info mine a day, so I need YOUR help with tips, leaks, leads, and locations where I can get spent uranium. IT'S A SECRET WHY I NEED IT. IF you have anything, send it my way at Also, if you need up to the INSTANT scoops, the kind of scoops you can only find in REAL TIME, PEOPLE, then you need to follow me on Twitter, @HorbFlerbminber. Just last week, I broke the seal on the biggest story in PRO WRESTLING THIS YEAR, that in response to WWE's WrestleMania announcement, TNA was going to have Bound for Glory '16 in the parking lot of the Dallas Cowboys Pro Shop on Regent Blvd. in Dallas. HUGE SCOOPS FROM HORB.

If you want back issues of my newsletter, go to hell.

Also, remember remember the fifth of November.

- WrestleMania 32 was announced this week to take place on April 3, 2016 at AT&T Stadium in Arlington, TX. Sources say the deal was clinched when Triple H successfully hit his secret shock button to send an electrical impulse to Vince McMahon's brain every time he tried to ask Cowboys owner Jerry Jones if he'd like to have a winner in his stadium.

- Chris Christie, governor of the state that hosted WrestleMania XXIX, was quoted as saying he's happy that the event will FINALLY be coming to a venue that he can stand being at.

- TNA wrestlers took to Twitter to call WWE out for stealing their company's idea by on having a big event in Texas, as the 2013 edition of Lockdown took place in San Antonio. You may remember that show because it almost drew enough for the wrestlers to get paid.

- McMahon wants to run Darren Young wrestling a bull for the main event at WrestleMania 32, but his creative staff reminded him that the company was already in enough hot water from the ACLU over the last time The Rock showed up.

- When asked who might appear on the WrestleMania 32 card, McMahon replied "I don't even fucking know who's gonna be on the WrestleMania 31 card for Christ's sake. Lay off me."

- Chris Jericho was quoted recently as saying the next couple of weeks will be important for Roman Reigns whether the crowd will begrudgingly accept him as a third wheel in a Seth Rollins/Dean Ambrose match or whether it will shit on his inclusion at WrestleMania altogether.

- TNA made history with this past Friday's edition of Impact on Destination America, as the show scored the first ever rating that registered as an imaginary number.

- Indie rock band The Mountain Goats announced their next album is completely themed after wrestling. The lead single, "The Legend of Chavo Guerrero," has been released and is an ode to Chavo Sr. Chavo Guerrero, Jr. has been quoted as saying that since he was once a sperm swimming around in his father's scrotum that the song is totally about him too.

- Kazushi Sakuraba and Tomoaki Honma have formed a tag team in New Japan Pro Wrestling, and already, it's 170 times better than the fucking Usos at least.

- Chikara returns to the ECW Arena this weekend. Wait, didn't that promotion JUST run there? Talk about burning the territory. Anyway, the card is as follows:

  • Icarus defends the Great Championship or Something against Air Jordans
  • Dr. Mantis Toboggan takes on Alberto El Patron's Non-Union, Mexican Counterpart
  • Sid Sid the Science Kid's Wrestling Crew, featuring Demolition, the Berserker, and Thin Kamala goes against Abe "Knuckleball" Schwartz, Roid Rage Jr., some chick with cooties yuck, Ko the Face Stealer, and Nigel McGuinness' pet rabbit
  • A bunch of ants crawling around, I think one of them is a zombie now? I don't know
  • Kofi Kingston vs. CM Punk
  • Vince Russo's Poop Demons vs. Two Venti Pumpkin Spice Lattes from Starbucks
  • Cobra Commander vs. some fat guy from Belarus? Or is it Sweden? I don't know.
  • Some shitty tag match, I don't know
- PRO WRESTLING SKOOPZ ROUNDTABLE: Should WWE be booking Dean Ambrose better? Anyone who answers no will be flayed. IN ORDER TO FIND OUT WHICH PANEL MEMBERS LOST THEIR SKIN, CLICK HERE.

- Xplode Fight Series of California San Pascal Valley Hurricane Center, the event has been held in reserve. Compared to the first round of the regular celebration Xplode 16, 2011 Chris Bruno (4-0), Justin Kerr (0-7) address. It has been known record Xplode campaign is great bench. For example, the longest 61 seconds, six losses, it is only war that lasted more than a minute. However, there are several undergraduate Xplode soldiers in the UFC.

- WWE officials are inquiring about keeping garbage trucks on retainer for Sunday at the Royal Rumble in Philadelphia to be available at the Wells Fargo Center after the show, so uh, spoiler alert?

- AJ Lee has been pulled from WWE live events going forward. Is she injured? Is she pregnant? Is she leaving the company to be by her husband, CM Punk's side, who is her husband (scoop reported by me, must credit me), in UFC? Throw a dart, and you'll probably be right.

- The NFL has found out that the Patriots deflated footballs illegally during the AFC Championship game, which proves football is a work and establishes Bill Belichick as the top heel in all sports.

- Jim Ross and Josh Mathews exchanged barbs on Twitter, and in the shock of the century, Ross wasn't the one who started it.

- Absolute Intense Wrestling has stopped booking feelgood story Gregory Iron but will have Dennis Stamp appear on its next show, which proves that it is the promotion for the Twitter generation.

- Last week's poll results are in, and 45% of you think NJPW teaming up with CMLL dilutes the NJPW brand, 35% think it elevates the CMLL brand, and 20% think that no one should question a single move NJPW makes because NJPW is GOD, DO YOU HEAR ME, GOD. This week's poll question: