Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Pro Wrestling SKOOPZ on The Wrestling Blog: Issue 17

Horb has your RUNDOWN of Triple H on the Austin show
Photo Credit:
HORB FLERBMINBER here, back giving you the SCOOPS that you crave, nay, that you NEED IN ORDER TO KEEP ALIVE. If you don't get my news updates and rumors, you will literally die. DIE. They are more vital to you than insulin is to a diabetic. You need them more than sharks need constant movement. Hell, YOU NEED THEM MORE THAN NEWT GINGRICH THINKS THE UNITED STATES NEEDS PRECAUTIONARY MEASURES AGAINST TERRORISM AT THE SUPER BOWL THANKS TO A MOVIE THAT CAME OUT IN 1977. If you don't read my scoops, how will you know which NXT superstar got out of a prostitution solicitation charge by blowing the police officer? YOU WON'T.

Of course, I can't do this all alone. I need the help of readers and tipsters like YOU who thanklessly send along scoops while not expecting or getting the thanks and credit you think you deserve. HORB NEEDS ALL THE CREDIT, YOU HEAR? Surely, you will understand. That's why you will send me your tips at For the FULL HORB XXX-PERIENCE, you need to follow me on Twitter too. Boot up your Twitter Machine and follow @HorbFlerbminber for UP TO THE INSTANT news nuggets.

If you need back issues of my newsletter, then be sure to sign up for my EXCLUSIVE, STATE OF THE ART FTP SITE where you can get .pdf files of SKOOPZ to your computer! However, I recommend that you have Windows 8 or better, or else the files will be hard to load thanks to the ultra-high definition, 40 megapixel pictures that I have embedded in the files. Also, good luck if you're on DSL or anything slower. You'll be waiting for a couple of years to get some of the more recent letters.

I also regret to inform that I have terminated "I Tap Boys'" sponsorship deal because the Better Business Bureau has deemed it to be tasteless and lewd. However, I have replaced that ad content with a new sponsor, TapouT 100% Lycra penis cozies. Does your penis get cold while doing MMA training? Then try TapouT's special cozies, which cover the whole shaft and has an elastic pouch that can cover the scrotum and testes as well. They're waterproof as well, so if you're afraid of anyone sneaking a peek at your junk in the shower, you'll remain protected. The cozies come in four sizes: micropenis, average, porn star, and Milton Berle.

Also, remember to forget.

- Triple H appeared on a special live Steve Austin podcast Monday night after RAW. Trips' was diplomatic and gave even-handed responses, at least compared to the realism his father-in-law Vince McMahon conveyed during his interview in December. All this proves is that Triple H is STILL playing politics and should be ashamed of himself.

- When asked about CM Punk, Triple H said that he harbored no ill-will towards the former WWE superstar and said that a comeback should never be ruled out. However, he touched the tip of his nose while talking about it, which means he was lying and really was offering Punk out for a fair fight down in Temecula.

- Triple H said that ex-fiancee and first ever woman WWE Intercontinental Champion Chyna deserves to be in the WWE Hall of Fame, but more than likely won't make it because of her forays into pornography. The Hall cannot be sullied by the likes of a porn star. Who could buy her being in the same Hall of Fame as greats like Mike Tyson, Steve Austin, Jimmy Snuka, and Donald Trump?

- The denial of Chyna from the Hall of Fame has also caused the Chris Benoit fanboys and truthers to take up her cause beside the disgraced perpetrator of a double murder-suicide. So thanks for that, Trips.

- In NXT news, unmasking Kalisto in order to give him a gay hairstylist gimmick is currently being mulled over, because Rico Constantino's main roster gimmick was such a smashing success.

- WWE's Fast Lane will feature Daniel Bryan vs. Roman Reigns with Reigns' spot in the WrestleMania main event on the line. The match's finish is still up in the air at this point, as Triple H and McMahon have scheduled a fencing match with their penises on February 10 on the top floor of Titan Towers to determine who wins.

- AJ Styles vs. ACH has been signed for the Ring of Honor Anniversary Show on March 1. I asked Jim Ross' opinion on the match and immediately regretted it after he started speaking.

- In order to keep up with the state of things in UFC, WWE has reportedly suspended the Wellness Program.

- The Rock was in a Super Bowl commercial. Reports say he played the dead kid from the Nationwide ad.

- Speaking of the Super Bowl, it drew over 120 million viewers, making it the most watched wrestling event ever.

- What, the NFL is a work. You know it to be true.

- The Committee fears that the money is spent, Tennessee State Boxing and MMA closed regulation. While prevention is important because it can continue to play without even unauthorized actions are not allowed. There are rumors Closure Commission in July, and June 30, 2016 to come up with a decision has been postponed for commissioning in the first half of 2013, the government spent over $ 400 last year.

- Reports from Grantland Studios are saying Peter Rosenberg's lustful descriptions of Stephanie McMahon on this week's Cheap Heat were inspired because he had watched Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back a record 16 times over the weekend.

- New Japan Pro Wrestling has offered a free month of its over-the-top streaming service, New Japan World, and if you aren't taking advantage of this, you are a loathsome piece of shit.

- Nigel McGuinness' Kickstarter for his LA Fights concept fell short before the goal date. Sources say he mumbled to himself "I should've done an all male version of GLOW instead of an all white-dude version of Lucha Underground, dammit."

- Daniel Bryan and John Cena had a bet on the Super Bowl between the two teams that came from their respective places of birth, and surprisingly, it didn't involve Bella-swapping.

- TNA is headed back to the Impact Zone, proving once and for all that you can go home again, but why the fuck should you?

- Last week's poll results were eaten by CHUDs. This week: