Thursday, February 5, 2015

Twitter Request Line, Vol. 108

Would WWE be served by having a National Signing Day-like event?
Photo via
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers!

No, because it would blunt the unpredictability of seeing a signing from the indies/international scene just by confining it to one day a year. If WWE had a bigger domestic competitor or more, like in an alternate Universe where WCW survived and maybe New Japan Pro Wrestling crept its way onto the Pacific coast, a yearly culling of the indies/colleges might work. But in the monopolistic environment North American wrestling has now, it would be boring and ultimately self-serving. Plus, the way things are situated right now keeps each individual signing relatively important.

The true nature of updog is one scientists and philosophers alike have questioned for decades now. What truly comprises updog? How is it formed? And most importantly, what is truly up with you, dog?

The moment I heard it was going away, I started missing it. In a way, it has become WWE's signature gimmick match, and the surest bet for some kind of quality. The last two years have been phenomenal at least. Last year's match was overshadowed by the brilliant Shield/Wyatt Family trios match that went on before it, but the way each wrestler explored the studio space, especially old man Christian and Cesaro, made it truly memorable.

As for a hypothetical this year, I'll work off the assumption that Brock Lesnar won't be making it to the show. Building off the Royal Rumble, Roman Reigns would be defending his number one contendership against various assailants. Rusev would be the first to join him, since he ostensibly was the one hurt by The Rock's presence the worst. The next two in would be Randy Orton and Daniel Bryan, both of whom never received rematches after losing their title runs. Hell, Orton wasn't even pinned or submitted in his match. I almost put Kane and Big Show in as Authority picks, but fuck it, those two belong nowhere near a shot to win anything at Mania. Entrant five would be Bray Wyatt, being rewarded for his ironman run in the Rumble, and number six is Seth Rollins as the Authority's ringer.

On a scale from zero-to-ten, zero being the World's Ugliest Dog and ten being a whole herd of corgi puppies, that dog rates a solid nine, maybe a 9.5. Good find.

If I had to eat a wrestler, and let me say that I don't endorse cannibalism at all unless you're in the direst of straits, but if I had to eat a wrestler, it would be Big E. He's got huge muscles, which is where the good meat comes from, but he's also not exactly lean. He's got some fat on him, and he's gotta be well-marbled after all the grappling and the hand-to-hand combat on the football field and especially the years of getting SURPRISE HUGS from Bayley. As for the Pokemon, I wouldn't stray too far away from traditional meats or vegetation (although very few Grass-types come in traditionally edible form), so no exotic Girafarig dinners or feasting on a slightly humanoid creature like Snorlax. Of the livestock Pokemon, Grumpig is the one to eat. It's a pig, so you know it's flavorful from the rooter to the tooter, and because of its Psychic typing, it probably classifies as brain food. If I can eat bacon and country ribs and pulled pork that makes me smart, I gotta go with that, right?

No, because I'm still not convinced WWE should have ever considered War Games or should even go with the gimmick. It's a WCW conceit that would spread out the action too thinly and probably doesn't play well in modern WWE.

Glacier seems pretty chill in retirement. Heh, did you see what I did there? No, but in all seriousness, I don't really see his blood running that cold anymore. The Lithuanian Snow Troll in his normal state is pretty affable, but I doubt he'll be returning to that demeanor after The Flood has made him the world's most family-friendly adaptation of Reek from A Song of Ice and Fire ever. I would peg him as an ersatz weather machine used by his current captor, Kevin Condron, levying massive snowfall on Chikara's home area. However, because the Snow Troll is currently in the worst state of mind possible, he miscalculated the trajectory and hit every area hard except for Chikara's home base, Philadelphia.

While the Jenny Rose/Kimber Lee matchup intrigues me, I'm still all aboard for "Smooth Sailing" Ashley Remington taking on his toughest challenge to date, Drew Gulak. While Gulak is not necessarily known for his personality, his forays with the Gentlemen's Club suggest that he can shed some of his arch-serious exterior and have some fun with the Chikaraverse's resident yachtsman. Additionally, while Remington isn't exactly renowned for his down and dirty mat skills, he's shown that he can hold his own, whether as Remington against wrestlers like Juan Francisco de Coronado or as his alter ego Dalton Castle. I expect this match to be a standout and for Gulak to keep his streak of strong NPWD performances alive.