Tuesday, April 14, 2015

AxelMania Cares Not for Your Adherence to the Space-Time Continuum

Curtis Axel: Unstuck in time?
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Via WWE.com

So, Kyle Edwards (formerly Arda Ocal) caught up with Curtis Axel backstage in England and got a huge dose of AXELMANIA up in his grill. Side note, does anyone else find it funny that Axel's life is now imitating the man that WWE didn't think his father could draw enough against? Anyway, the topic of the Royal Rumble came up again, and Axel claimed that he's been in said match without being eliminated for eight years, which perplexed Edwards and probably a bunch of viewers too. The 2015 Royal Rumble occurred fewer than three months ago, right? Axel probably was knocked loopy by taking Adrian Neville's Red Arrow a couple of times on television now.

However, I am here to tell everyone that this is entirely possible. Time is not an immutable construct, as studies from brilliant minds like Albert Einstein and Stephen Hawking have shown the world. Time is relative depending on the speed at which one is traveling, and furthermore, it has been theorized that wormholes and time tunnels could exist in the physical universe. For all anyone knows, Axel could have been surfing through time between then and now. Or perhaps he learned how to move his body at such minuscule speeds that his 79 days between the Rumble and that interview felt like 2922.

But how, HOW could he have figured out the mastery of time dilation or rending asunder the space-time continuum? Maybe he was visited by a master physicist whose work is unseen because the secrets would drive humanity to extinction. Perhaps when he invoked the phrase "genesis of McGillicutty," he was granted divine powers that he only now has known how to manipulate. He could be an Inhuman who underwent Terrigenesis and was bestowed the ability to make time his slave.

However, the most logical and simple explanation? Paige and Kane just took him for a ride on the TARDIS. Strange things happen when WWE goes to the UK, and none are stranger than Kane becoming the first ever Libertarian Time Lord.