Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Happy Tax Day from The Wrestling Blog

Pictured: Irwin R. Schyster AFTER all the tax returns have been filed and processed
Photo Credit:
Today is April 15, or the day when tax returns are due to the government from American citizens. It is said that two things in life are certain, death and taxes, and both are really fucking annoying to say the least. So of course, WWE tried to corner the market on both as big bad characters in the early '90s. The Undertaker had some staying power, because death got really popular for some reason. As for taxes? Well, Mike Rotunda found a somewhat successful niche for a few years between stints in WCW's Varsity Club. Irwin R. Schyster was perhaps a better character in idea than in execution, unless WWE was going to go after its fans for tax cheating or was about to make any number of babyface wrestlers scofflaws to the real IRS. Although I must admit, the idea of Schyster going after Hulk Hogan for back taxes would have been a hilarious angle.

Of course, the fact that Schyster's two sons are now an empty vessel being possessed by a nihilistic Cajun demon and perhaps the most saccharine motivational speaker of all-time is an amazing study in delayed teenage rebellion. I almost want IRS to come back and work an angle where he tries to get his kids into the family business. It might be a bit too silly for Bray Wyatt's oeuvre, but the interplay between Bo Dallas and Daddy Taxman could be the best possible version of Headcheese.

Anyway, make sure you have your taxes filed. Or not. I don't care, I'm not Uncle Sam. However, I hope that if anyone doesn't plan on filing a tax return and is in a tax bracket where you kinda have to fill one out that you are really good at evading the Feds. I wouldn't wish tax-related litigation on even my worst enemy.